God At Work

Well girls I have so much to tell you but I do not even know where to begin. God has done some amazing things these past ten days in my life. I have seen God working in ways that are totally unbelievable.

My hushand and I along with nineteen other mission hearted church members just return this morning at 8:00 a.m. from a mission trip to Brazil. We are so weary from the work and from the lack of sleep. Most of us have had very little sleep in the past 30 hours! So if my post sounds a little goofy just forgive me.

First, I just want to tell you that God amazingly allow me to go on this trip. The financial cost was high. We had to make cut backs in the household expenses and at times I did not feel like the trip would be possible for me. However, our church graciously paid my husband's way so this allowed me to put money toward my part of the trip. About three weeks before the trip I still owed $700. Now that may not sound like alot to some of you but to us it is. My plan was to make two big payments on the 1st and 15th. However, God had other plans. He placed an angel in our church who paid the balance for me. I still do not know who this person is but I can tell you that this was an unexpected blessing.

Secondly, our trip was to do construction for a new church start, medical/dentistry, and door to door evangelism. Of course, on any mission trip the key word is flexibility. Our first day of work went without a problem. However, the second day our medical team was told to stop all work. Although the team had done all the proper paperwork ahead of time, the medical inspectors did not approve the work and did not sign off on in country paperwork. The need for medical and dentistry work in the area we were in is great. It broke our heart that there was nothing we could do. However, God used it.

Third, because the medical/dentistry team could not work, they were able to assist in the construction and door to door evangelism. As a result a new church plant with only bricks on the street and dirt to be spread ended up having almost all four walls completed, electrical work done, and dirt and concrete spread for the floor. We began construction on Monday morning and Saturday night we had a dedication service in the church! It was just unbelievable. The building was packed to capacity and the grounds outside the church was full. God has great things in store for this new plant.

Fourth, as I said flexibility is key on a mission trip. The pastor of the mother church decided was needed to have a three mornings of children's activities. Now understand we did not assess to a lot of supplies. However, there were four of us who discovered we are great scavengers. We were able to get on the internet and print a couple of bible stories and coloring sheets. After searching many stores we located a few boxes of colors and chalk. You just have to use your imagination and trust God to supply.

Last, our door to door evangelism was something to behold. We went into homes that basically had nothing. One I went into had a bedroom for four people, a small kitch and bathroom, and a small sitting area. These people have nothing and I suddenly realized I complain too much. Very rarely were we turned away. God is doing a great work in Brazil. They are seeking hope. One lady who asked Jesus to be her Savior went from dull eyes to bright eyes filled with hope. It was amazing to see the physical change immediately. The good news is that the new church plant will be following up with all the new Christians.

Well ladies, I told you my heart was full and there is much more to tell. However, I'll save it for another day. I do ask that you pray for my husband and I as we much travel to Arkansas this afternoon. My husband's aunt passed away and she wanted him to preach her service. As tired as we are we cannot turned down this wonderful Christian woman's last request. I'll chat with again on Thursday so buckled your seatbelts for more tales from Brazil.

What are some of your amazing mission trip tales? I would love to hear about them.

Supporting Him In Transition

My husband has often joked that I am the best job security that he has. I don't know how true that is, but I really do look at us as a ministry team. He is definitely the captain of that team,  and I guess, I am striving to be the MVP.

One thing is true, a minister's wife can either help make the minister or totally break him. I have seen wives do both. I think this can't be more clearly displayed in how the couple handles times of transition. Whether it is a child graduating from school, or God calling you to a church out-of-state, transition can really serve as a microscope to see what your relationship is really all about.

Recently, I have seen God call two different ministers to two different states. There wives had two very different reactions. One is totally behind her husband, knowing with her whole heart and confirming that this is God's will for their young family. The other, loving God and her husband, isn't so sure that this is God's will, but is doing her best to trust both of them. These ladies are both up for some crazy stressful times and are both seeking prayer support for their marriages in the days ahead. There have been tears and fears. There have been dreams and even a scheme or two. But they are both prayerfully in their attitudes and actions supporting their husbands. 

I have been there myself. There have been times I have doubted what we were doing was God's will. Honestly, I am quite thankful that God doesn't place us ladies in the hot seat of being the leader of the home. There have been other times I have known without a doubt, though it is hard to discern what is ahead, that we were moving in the direction that God had ordained. 

Through it all, I know He has brought us closer to each other, but more importantly, closer to Him. My prayer is that in these inevitable times of transition, that He uses our marriage to glorify Himself. That is the reminder that I need so often; it isn't about me or even us. It is all about Him.

On a Lighter Note . . .

I hope everyone is having a great summer . . . 

I was so impressed with Dana's pictures. I love seeing the people we talk about! Anyway I thought I would add a pic or two myself!

The first pic is of me and my sweetie, Wally, at his seminary graduation this spring. It was outside at The Southern Baptist Seminary in Louisville, KY. I have his jacket on because it was downright cold for a May day.

The second is my five-year-old daughter, Riley, on the Fourth with a couple of her favorite toys. For some reason that baby monkey has gone far too many places with us!

Blessings!

Tara

Supporting Him In Conflict

You may have been reading my last few posts and be thinking, "Well, Tara that is all and good, but right now I don't feel like supporting my husband." Let me assure you, dear reader, that I don't just assume that because you are married to a minister, that you have the perfect marriage that everyone in your congregation expects you to have. I know that it is hard to listen to your husband preach on family and marriage when you know that the picture he may be painting from the pulpit, doesn't match your reality at home.

Personally, there have been times in my life when I felt like the biggest hypocrite walking into church on a Sunday morning. I have plastered the smile on my face and done my best to act like everything is okay, but I am really fuming or hurt or frustrated or I-don't-know-what on the inside. Especially that first year of marriage, boy it was rough!

None of us like those feelings or situations, but I am pretty sure we can all relate. So how do we handle conflict within our marriages? This is yet another topic that is not exclusive to us as ministers' wives. 

From personal experience, like yesterday's post, I would begin with prayer. Then I thought my pastor had some great ideas in his sermon this past Sunday. (Thanks Chris!) He called his sermon "Rules of the Rings". I thought I would pass on his points to you:

1. Listen twice as much as you speak - I should understand before I expect to be understood, Proverbs 10:19
2. Choose your battleground - Location: Private, Timing: Immediately, Ephesians 4:25-27 & Acts 27:41
3. Don't attack the person, attack the problem - Ephesians 4:29-31
4. Always Forgive - Ephesians 4:32 & 1 Corinthians 13:5

I'd like to say that my husband and I never have issues, but hey we each married another sinner! We are bound to have problems. I just pray that we handle them in a way that honors and glorifies God.

What about you? I am sure there are ladies reading this post who have been married way longer than my nine and a half years. Any suggestions on how to handle conflict? 

Supporting Him At Home

I don't think this topic is exclusive only to minister's wives. Every wife needs to be supportive of her husband in the home, yet this may be the hardest place to treat our husbands with the respect and love he needs. 

After a long day of housework, errand running and disciplining our preschooler, it can be down right hard to shift gears into "adult mode" and be able to become that soft place my husband needs to fall back on. It is hard for me to give him the time to decompress, when I know that my first opportunity to relax won't come for another 3-5 hours. I try to greet him with a smile and some assurance that dinner will be ready in no more than 45 minutes. This may or may not happen, but I really try to have the house straightened too. I want him to want to come home. 

I know that there are days when he feels like he is living for the church. I know he has dozens of people with various demands upon his time. I know that there are weekends that turn into weeks where he feels like he hasn't been home at all. So if he is able to be here for bedtime or not, I want him to know that he was missed, without making him feel guilty for missing it,  whatever "it" was. 

Yes, there are times when our husbands may neglect some of their responsibilities around the house. The grass may need mowed and the oil may need changing in the car. That project on the "Honey Do List" may have lived on that list for far too long. You may be frustrated that he is THE spiritual leader at church, but has trouble filling that role with you and the kids. You may feel like he is always there for everyone else, but never for you . . . 

Dear Friend, take heart! Let me remind you that our "duties" at home are incredibly noble and very important, no matter what our culture may say. Do everything as for the Lord, and trust that He will be your fulfillment - not scrubbing the toilet, or wiping running noses, but that He is being glorified in how you run your house. 

One sin that I so easily still fall prey to, is trying to put my husband in the place in my life that God belongs. My sweetie, while he does many things amazing well, cannot meet the needs in my life that only God can fill. Yet, time and time again I want him to "complete me".  I expect him to read my mind and make me happy. Ladies, our husbands are not responsible for our happiness!

So, how do I suggest supporting our husbands at home? 

Pray.

It shouldn't amaze me, but it always does. When I seek God first, all these things are added. I set my clock and get up early so I can begin my day in prayer. I journal my prayers for myself, my husband and my daughter being sure to include all those things that they do that I think will drive me crazy loca! After all, I have learned that only God can change those circumstances or behaviors that seem so permanent.

So what is it you do to support your husband when he comes home? Maybe the business meetings at your church aren't stressful for him, but what advice would you offer the minister's wife that isn't so blessed?

Supporting Him At Church

When we first married, being involved in my husband's student ministry was easy. For me, it just flowed with the gifts and experiences that God had given me. Later, after our daughter was born,  it became more challenging. Then God called my husband out of youth ministry and I was left wondering where and how I would fit into my husband's associational ministry.

I know some of you didn't have any idea that you were even marrying a minister when you and your husband exchanged vows. God hadn't called him into the ministry yet. But, here you are and you are so sure that you can in no way fit whatever stereotype your congregation wants you to be as a minister's wife. You don't play piano. You can't sing. You really do not want to organize the WMU. But all these things are expected of you, because the minister's wife that preceded you, did all of this while homeschooling her kids and volunteering at the local soup kitchen.

The best way you can support your husband in his ministry is to be true to your Creator. He designed you for a purpose, for your husband and for your church. Please don't try to be, or allow yourself to feel pressured to be something that you know God didn't design you to be. Find those things that God did equip you to do and then plug yourself into your husband's ministry.

I have a good friend Susan who has displayed this kind of support for her husband's ministry. He is the Minister to Young Families and is responsible for ministering to young families through a contemporary worship service and other programs. Susan didn't try to join the praise band. She didn't lead a discipleship class or become a small group leader for single women. While, I think she would do great in these capacities, that isn't what God gifted her for in this season. However, she is a fantastic hostess and a huge encourager. Susan has opened her home weekly, sometimes daily to various groups. She encourages her husband by attending his mid-week Bible study. She uplifts those around her with her positive words and attitude.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have this completely figured out in my own life yet. My husband ministers to over 40 churches and other ministries. At his encouragement, I don't go to every church he preaches in. In most meetings, I have no place. So supporting him in his ministry can be a little more challenging. One way that I have learned to encourage him is by doing just that. His love language is "encouraging words" (Thank you Dr. Smalley!). I support him in the way I know my husband as an individual best receives support -  I try to be intentional in verbalizing, in writing, in letting him know, I believe in what God has him doing. Sometimes I am better at this than others. It is definitely something the Holy Spirit will gently prompt me to do when I can't seem to make it a priority on my own. 

Yes, there are some very tangible ways we can support our husbands at church. We can serve on or lead a committee. We could bake bread for the visitors or send a meal with our man as he visits a shut-in. We may sing in the choir. Hopefully, we are all watching our own lives to make sure we are setting a God-honoring example for the younger women in our churches. (Titus 2)

But, there are some other ways that we can support our husband's ministry. Because we have such an insider's view on our husband, his personality and his life, God can use us to encourage and support our husbands in ways that no one else in the church can. It is both a responsibility and a privilege.

So, ladies, how do you do it? How do you support your minister husband at church? What is your God-given role in his ministry? Please post your ideas here. Your posting might just be what one of our dear sisters need to read . . . 

Your Husband is Your Pastor

I don't exactly remember her words, but I do remember her tone. I was sitting in on a women's ministry meeting being run by the pastor's wife. As the student's minister's wife, I knew my role in the planning process. I felt like my input was politely listened to, but that my invitation to the meeting had been given out of obligation. It wasn't based on my gifts, but to whom I was married. I was fully expected to be there. I had accepted this and was eagerly looking forward to being apart of the event that we were planning. Until, the pastor's wife totally degraded her husband and the deacon body in front of the whole committee.

 

Technically, my husband has never been the lead pastor at any church, but of the three previous churches we have served at, I have seen a variety of "styles" that various women have brought to their roles as ministers' wives. I have experienced a pastor's wife that has been totally disconnected with anything and everything that has to do with the church. And another that exercised her position to see her own agenda accomplished within the life of the church.  

I question whether or not God calls women to be ministers' wives, but I believe with my whole heart that He has equipped each us for the role that He has currently placed us in.  None of us are "accidentally" a minister's wife. God has made and chosen each of us for this position of support and leadership within the church. The challenge is: What do we do with it?

I lost a ton of respect for the pastor's wife in that meeting. She had the opportunity to show support and love for her husband and her pastor. I think her sharp words identify a unique position and challenge that every pastor's wife finds herself in. Your husband is your pastor. No believing wife, should have degraded her husband like that in any setting. I am sure that had this dear woman looked at her husband the way she does other pastors she respects, she never would have used that tone of voice either. 

Ladies, we must at all cost, support our husbands. If we can't support our husbands, then how can we expect the deacons to? I am not at all advocating that we sit silently, idly by or become some over-compensating, phony cheerleader either. What I am trying to say is that God has placed us where we are and who we are for a reason. We can totally support our husbands in an authentic manner without sacrificing our individuality. As the Spirit shows us just how to do that, we will know we are where we should be. Honoring our husbands/pastors and glorifying our Heavenly Father. 

 No pastor (or husband) should be sat on some pedestal to be worshiped like an idol. I mean, we know his faults better than anyone, and we are at times desperate to relate to someone in the church as a real woman, with the same angers, frustrations and complaints about our husband that she has with hers. Just be careful. Remember that the man you are talking about is her pastor and yours too. The Bible says a lot about controlling the tongue.

God has led me this week to spend some time focusing on how we can support our husbands/pastors. PLEASE, feel free to respond and share some of your experiences and observations . . . Let us spur each other on to good deeds . . . .