Twitter-Size Advice

When Diana Davis was working on her new book for ministry wives, “Six Simple Steps:  Find Contentment and Joy as a Ministry Wife”, she sent a note to her contact list of pastor wives with a request for our “wisdom”!

“Would you please email me a twitter-size piece of advice that you'd offer to a new minister's wife?” was her request.  Her desire was to use them throughout her book…and, sure enough, little twitter-size drops of wisdom from those who have lived the life as a ministry wife splash across the pages of her book.

Hummmm….I pondered her request!  What smidgen piece of advice would I give a new minister’s wife??  (Well, honestly, my first thought was, “about what size is a ‘twitter-size’ piece of advice???”).  My mind and heart was put into motion and a boo-koo (that’s slang for a bunch) of tweet-size thoughts began to spill out onto the computer screen.

I thought I would pass on to you what my “twitter-size” thoughts were….and, surprisingly; she actually used some of them in her book!!  After you check these out below….I’d LOVE for you all to share what your “twitter-size” piece of advice would be!!

• There are mean people in church.  You have a choice to hold on to grudges or give grace.  Give much grace!!
• Never underestimate the significance of the seemingly insignificant things you say or do or think!
• Leave at least one thing left unsaid every day!
• Never tell your children ‘we have to go to church’….instead say ‘we get to go to church’!  They will pick up on the positive instead of the negative.
• Never tell your children that they can/can’t do such and such because they are the preacher’s kid.  Could they do it if they weren’t the PK?
• Someone once asked me what was the best thing about being a preacher’s wife and the worst thing about it.  I thought for just a minute…and said, ‘my answer is the same for both!  People!’
• In one church we served I discovered I was allergic to business meetings!  So…I would pray or visit the nursing home or help with kids during that time instead.
• My first ministry is to my husband and children….and it is freeing to know that pleases God.
• Do not allow what church members say about your husband (or you or your family) take your eyes off of what Jesus says about your husband, you and your family.  Pray for a holy ‘Rain-X’—for the words to simply run off and not penetrate.

Now….what are yours???  And...read the book to see what others said!

Six Simple Steps

My friend, Diana Davis, has just published an incredible book that every ministry family should have in their library!  It is full of encouraging, practical, and inspiring ideas, tips, advice and love.  Diana is the real deal (in my mind the ‘perfect’ ministry wife) and she cares a lot about those of us who live and serve in the trenches of ministry.

Many of us love the part we play in the Kingdom of God and many of us struggle with contentment as ministry wives.  Diana uses her years as a ministry wife to encourage us to continually find joy in the role God has called us to….and the best part is that she does it in such a way that it doesn’t make us feel guilty!!

Six Simple Steps: Find Contentment and Joy as a Ministry Wife can also be used as a group study…if you meet with other ministry wives it would be a great tool to use together!!

I would encourage you to get the book, read it, and purchase one for every other ministry family you know!  (I promise she is not paying me to say this!!)  The link below will take you to the book on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Six-Simple-Steps-Contentment-Ministry/dp/159669422X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421190935&sr=8-1&keywords=6+simple+steps

Happy reading and be encouraged!!

Sunday Overload

Have you ever had one of these Sunday schedules?

Pre-service prayer time.

Pre-service praise team and music rehearsal.

Sunday School.

Worship.

Grab a quick bite for lunch

Afternoon wedding or baby shower

Upcoming musical rehearsal

Evening worship

Rush home to fix a quick light evening meal

Get the kids homework done

Get everything ready for the following week

Wait a minute!  Aren't Sunday’s designed to be a day of worship and rest?  Why do we think we can pack every activity in on a Sunday?  Why do so many ministers’ wives (and ministers) get overloaded?  Well, just look at this real schedule one of my sisters in ministry recently submitted to me. 

Too often our Sundays are packed with activities that take our eyes off the Lord.  We jump from one scheduled event to another and never pause to connect to the Lord.  Ministers’ wives especially seem to get overloaded.  People assume we will attend any and all events that are scheduled on Sundays.  In all honesty, I hate Sunday afternoon wedding/baby showers because it is the one day I can take a nap or just simply relax.

Of course, I am jumping on my soapbox on this next statement.  Our congregations expect ministers and their families to be at EVERYTHING on a Sunday, Wednesday, or other night but they do not make an attempt to attend.  At best the average church member will give the church only one hour a week. 

As a minister’s wife, I try to be gracious and handle the Sunday overload.  However, there are times when I am just exhausted.  I want a handful of M & M’s, a soft, warm blanket, and an afternoon nap.  It is at those times I simply say no to some Sunday events at church.  However sisters, I will not skip Sunday School or morning, evening or Wednesday worship.  I personally feel as a minister’s wife our families need to set an example to our congregations.  If our members see that church attendance is important to us, hopefully they will make it a priority in their own families. 

Just a reminder, Sunday overload is a serious problem. Even though we are in the ministry, the Lord needs our attention too.  Sundays are not about a jammed packed activity schedule.  It is about setting time aside in our hectic lives to worship the Savior.  We must learn to balance the Sunday overload.  Here are a couple of suggestions which have made my life a little easier over our years in ministry:

*Create a Crockpot meal for Sunday.  Place it in the Crockpot on Saturday evening or early Sunday morning.

*Have your children work a little each day on their homework.  On Saturday make sure the backpacks are packed. 

*Don’t attend all the showers.  You can easily purchase a small gift and personally deliver it to the guest of honor later.

*On Sunday, take a minute to pause and thank the Lord for your salvation and for your church family.  Also, pray hard for your husband who is also probably running on Sunday overload.

I would love to hear what some of your Sundays are like and how you handle the overload.  I need the help just as much as you do.

Be a Braggart

To brag-worthy of being bragged about

A braggart-boastful

When a person brags on themselves, we can get a little defensive and even jealous.  Sure, some accomplishments should be bragged about but for the most part, a braggart is conceited and wants all the attention.  We tend to avoid people like this.  As a minister’s wife, when I must listen to someone brag about themselves all the time, I just smile and drift off into a chocolate covered dream world.

However girlfriends, we need to start bragging.  You are probably says, “Wait! Brag about myself?”  Yes girlfriends, brag!  I want you as ministers’ wives to take the challenge this year to brag about what God is doing your life and in the life of your church.  Why, because we live in an increasingly lost, negative world who hates the church and God.

In the last several weeks I have talked with people in my community and with fellow ministers’ wives.  The comments out of their mouths have shocked me.  First some of the community people will simply say they do not believe in God or any god.  Others have told me they believe in God but not in organized religion because it is boring or there is strife within the churches.  Hmm, believing in God and not organized religion sounds like an oxymoron to me.  If you believe in God and what the Bible says then you must love the Church. 

Second, the few ministers’ wives I have spoken with are so discouraged. They do not see God at work in the church where they serve and as a result they are struggling in their personal walk with the Lord.  Ladies, God is at work in our churches.  Sometimes we have to look real hard to see past the internal strife but He is working-the Word being preached unashamedly, a prayer warrior on their knees storming the gates of heaven for the lost, etc.  He is also at work in our lives even when He seems distance.  In those cases, it is the individual who tends to turn away from the Lord.  Believe me, I have been there but when I look back, I can see God all over my life.

So sisters, become braggarts! What is God doing in your personal life?  Have you been healed?  During your quiet time is God revealing more and more to you? Has God walked with you during a dark time and brought you out in victory?  Brag! Also, brag about what God has been up to in the church where you serve.  Are people being saved and families joining? Is the Truth preached and taught? Brag!

Girlfriends, the world outside (and sometimes within) our church doors is LOST!  The one thing we can do as Christians is to boast about our Lord and what He is doing in our personal life and in our church. So brag away!

NO-List Christmas

God did it.

I didn't do it. He did.

I made it through the whole month of December without my lists.

When I last blogged, I wrote about how overwhelmed I was with everything that was going on and had to be done. I shared how I was concerned that I would miss or forget something important. I was struggling with letting Satan steal away my joy and missing the true meaning of Christmas. When I last blogged I had begun multiple lists.

At first it was unintentional on my part. I didn't set out to test God or anything like that. I just committed to taking each day as God gave it to me and to give it back to Him. In the following days I realized that instead of helping me, my lists were actually hindering me. They were contributing the stress I was trying to use them to relieve. They were my feeble attempt of having some kind of control over my crazy life.

At that point I never looked again at the lists I began. I didn't even write my weekly to-do or grocery lists. Yet, everything got done. Nothing was forgotten. AND, I had the best advent season I can remember.

My kids still got sick. The weather was unpredictable. We were still crazy busy BUT He was so faithful.

Out of nowhere, "I" remembered Riley needed new leggings for the school Christmas program. "Toys-R-Us" got the toy in stock that Piper had asked Santa for. I just "happened" to bring chips and salsa to a potluck that I didn't know was a potluck. These might just be happy coincidences for some, but I know they are all just three examples of His grace to me this December.

I tried to explain this to my husband. I tried to get him to understand that to go without my lists was an act of faith - that I was trusting God to be in control and to just live the life He had given me that day without worrying about the next.  He was so good to be so involved in the minor details of my little life.

God taught me so much about humility this Advent season and a lot of it was through my NO-List Christmas.

This is MY Church!

She raised her hand to speak during the meeting at church.  “I asked the Lord to not allow me to say anything” was how she began to share her thoughts.  (Ponder that my friend and, after reading what she said, let me know what you think!)  Yet...she continued...“This is my church and I have raised my kids here… (translated "I have been here longer than you") and you, pastor, have come here …” (translated "you don’t love it as much as I do").  After hearing the phrase “my church” way too many times, and many hurtful things that went along with it (which, by the way, she later called and apologized for), I bolted out of the room in tears, enraged, sad, frustrated, telling myself this is why I am allergic to business meetings and prefer to not attend.

I have thought about those words a lot since that evening.  Her intentions were not to say it really was her church…after all…she KNOWS it is Christ’s church.  Right?  We say things like that all of the time.  ‘I love my church’.  ‘Why don’t you visit our church’?  ‘Come hear my pastor.’  So why was I so upset?

Fast forward to the post I wrote a couple of days ago….where I wanted to be ‘just like her’.  Where I said I wanted her life.  Where I talked about my house and my life.  I pondered what I wrote…and it hit me!  The very thing that upset me about the lady talking about her church as if it really belonged to her…..I was doing the very same thing!!  Sure, I KNOW fundamentally it is NOT my life…it belongs to the One who created it and the One that I live for….yet often I treat it as if it is mine!!

How easy it is to be critical of the things others do or say and forget that we do and say the exact same things!!  It is not my job to judge her intentions….it is my job to not be judgmental.  Again…forgive me Lord!!!

'Successful' or 'Unsuccessful'?

It’s January 2, 2015 and I am pretty sure I should write something provocative or insightful or philosophical about looking back on 2014 or starting 2015…but I am not.  I guess I am a ‘rule breaker’ from way back!  After pondering my last post (why do I seem to continually write about comparing myself?? I then proceeded to beat myself up for not being creative and yet, at the same time, congratulated myself for at least being consistent) I was bothered by some things I said and feel the need to clear them up.  First bother here....next bother coming up.

I mentioned something about my friend’s husband having a ‘successful’ ministry.  For some reason I have not been able to get this off of my mind.  Why in the world would I say something like that?  Does that mean there are ‘unsuccessful’ ministries?  If so, how are ‘successful’ or ‘unsuccessful’ ministries defined? 

Normally the SBC takes ‘inventory’ using the numbers that churches send in to their state offices at the end of the year.  (Oh yes!!  Here it is!  I can actually tie in the new year after all!!)  Typically, on a regular basis, churches track the number of baptisms, Sunday school attendance, church attendance, new members, etc. to see ‘how they are doing’.  Often bar charts or pie charts are made using Excel (which I love, by the way) and discussions follow around office desks or conference tables or coffee shops analyzing what the numbers say.  "Oh look! We had a 'successful' year!"  On the other hand, perhaps the numbers cause us to be discouraged and even doubt our purpose.

Perhaps, without even realizing it we define how 'successful' or 'unsuccessful' our ministries are by the number of new members we have (or don’t have), the number of people who leave the church, the number of ________ ________ _____(you can fill in the blanks). Those are all important statistics but do they determine if a ministry is ‘successful’? 

If we are not careful we can find ourselves putting labels on our ministries:  SUCCESSFUL (then pride sets in)! UNSUCCESSFUL (then discouragement sets in)!  My friend, it is not our job to do that.  God’s ways are not our ways.  His Word does not return void.  We cannot always see into the hearts of those we are counting for reports. 

Forgive me Lord for labeling our ministry as either ‘successful’ (and being prideful) or ‘unsuccessful’ (and being discouraged).  Help us to keep our eyes and heart and mind on You...when we fail may we fall to our knees in repentance and help us to define failure by Your word not statistics or what other people say or think or how we feel. We are successful in Your eyes because of Christ!!  In Jesus' name....amen!!