There is something strange about grief. It is a time that you just go on automatic pilot. For the last two weeks I have not really been able to function like I should. Nothing seems to be important and I am living in a fog. I will be doing okay one minute and then suddenly I am washed over with a flood of tears and emotions.
I think I am having a hard time comprehending all of this. My mom was never "seriously" ill. My dad had been sick off and on for years and we saw it coming. As a matter of fact we were all standing around his bed, with him perfectly lucid, as he gave us his blessing and told us how much he loved us. When he was finished with each one of us, he looked at my mom, told her how much he loved her, closed his eyes and went to glory. But Mama had only been in ICU less than 12 hours. But before I could get use to the idea of her being critically ill - she was gone. Then there were all the details of planning the funeral, then we had the wake and receiving of friends and then on Thursday the funeral. If that wasn't enough for my emotions to handle, Friday all of the children met at her place and went through all of her belongings, remembering each item, laughing and crying at the same time. There were trinkets to sort through, jewelry to be divided up, furniture to be decided on, papers to sort and pictures to go through. And in a matter of hours what took this sweet lady a lifetime to accumulate, was packed in various boxes and we were through. Now all we have are memories.
This has all made me stop and think of how my girls will remember me. What will they say at my funeral and what will they talk about as they sift through my things? My prayer is that they will remember that I loved the Lord and tried to do what He wanted me to do in the lives of the people He allowed my path to cross.
Years ago I heard someone say that at the end of your life all that will matter will be your faith, family and friends. That is such a true statement. Have you thought much about what you are leaving behind????
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
HEAVY HEARTED
Hello! My name is Jeanne Davis and I am the last of the five "bloggers." I have been married for 32 years to my husband Randy, who has been a pastor since the beginning of our marriage.
I am honored to be a part of this new endeavor, although in all honesty I am not very savvy when it comes to computers. I have thought for weeks about what I wanted to share and what I would say and then - as life does sometimes - circumstances changed drastically in my life. Now what I share comes from a very personal standpoint...
At the beginning of this blog, it was mentioned about the many hats we wear as minister's wives. It's true - we are wives, mothers, Sunday School teachers, Ladies Ministry Directors, counselors, friends. The list goes on and on. But for me, I laid down one of those hats 2 weeks ago today - that of being a daughter.
My mom passed away quite suddenly on April 14th, exactly 10 years to the day that we had my daddy's funeral. Although her heart had been weak for a year or so and she dealt with the problems associated with being a diabetic, she was relatively healthy for a 87-year old lady. But on Monday morning I received the kind-of-phone-call we all dread. They had taken her to the hospital by ambulance and within an hour she was put on a ventilator. Because she lived in Mobile, Alabama it is a 9 hour drive for us. Randy was in Knoxville at the hospitals making visits and by the time he got home and we packed it was 2 hours before we could leave. God was so gracious though and we got to the hospital just in time for the last ICU visiting time at 8:30 p.m. We stayed until 9:30 and after spending a few minutes with my brothers and sisters we left the hospital to go spend the night with my sister, who happens to live less than 5 minutes from the hospital. Because of the ventilator, they had sedated my mom so she was not awake. Right towards the end of the visit she became restless and the nurse told us that we should probably let her go back to sleep. She asked us just to kiss her cheek before we left but not talk to her so she would not wake up and fight the tube. How I wish I had not listened to her and said the things I would have wanted to...
We left the hospital at 9:45 and went back to my sister's. We had just sat down and started talking when I a got a call on my cell phone from my brother saying that mama had taken a turn for the worse. We jumped in the car and was back at the hospital in 5 minutes flat! As we ran into the ICU unit I saw mama's nurse just standing there with a surprised look on her face. My mom had gone on to be with the Lord!!! She had fallen back to sleep and literally her heart just stopped.
Now I am walking down a very unfamiliar path. I am in all reality an "orphan". It is a strange feeling not having a parent here on earth anymore. Oh I know that I will see them again in glory, and for that I am VERY grateful, but just because we are believers, or even minister's wives, it doesn't take away the pain of the reality that we will not see them again this side of heaven.
You know for ministers and their families, death is as much a part of life as birth. How many times have we stood with families over the bed of a loved one that had passed away or stood with them beside a casket at a funeral home or a grave at the cemetery? We seem to do that all the time. But again, I am reminded that this is a difficult path to walk down. Thank God He promises never to leave us or forsake us!!!
Jeanne
I am honored to be a part of this new endeavor, although in all honesty I am not very savvy when it comes to computers. I have thought for weeks about what I wanted to share and what I would say and then - as life does sometimes - circumstances changed drastically in my life. Now what I share comes from a very personal standpoint...
At the beginning of this blog, it was mentioned about the many hats we wear as minister's wives. It's true - we are wives, mothers, Sunday School teachers, Ladies Ministry Directors, counselors, friends. The list goes on and on. But for me, I laid down one of those hats 2 weeks ago today - that of being a daughter.
My mom passed away quite suddenly on April 14th, exactly 10 years to the day that we had my daddy's funeral. Although her heart had been weak for a year or so and she dealt with the problems associated with being a diabetic, she was relatively healthy for a 87-year old lady. But on Monday morning I received the kind-of-phone-call we all dread. They had taken her to the hospital by ambulance and within an hour she was put on a ventilator. Because she lived in Mobile, Alabama it is a 9 hour drive for us. Randy was in Knoxville at the hospitals making visits and by the time he got home and we packed it was 2 hours before we could leave. God was so gracious though and we got to the hospital just in time for the last ICU visiting time at 8:30 p.m. We stayed until 9:30 and after spending a few minutes with my brothers and sisters we left the hospital to go spend the night with my sister, who happens to live less than 5 minutes from the hospital. Because of the ventilator, they had sedated my mom so she was not awake. Right towards the end of the visit she became restless and the nurse told us that we should probably let her go back to sleep. She asked us just to kiss her cheek before we left but not talk to her so she would not wake up and fight the tube. How I wish I had not listened to her and said the things I would have wanted to...
We left the hospital at 9:45 and went back to my sister's. We had just sat down and started talking when I a got a call on my cell phone from my brother saying that mama had taken a turn for the worse. We jumped in the car and was back at the hospital in 5 minutes flat! As we ran into the ICU unit I saw mama's nurse just standing there with a surprised look on her face. My mom had gone on to be with the Lord!!! She had fallen back to sleep and literally her heart just stopped.
Now I am walking down a very unfamiliar path. I am in all reality an "orphan". It is a strange feeling not having a parent here on earth anymore. Oh I know that I will see them again in glory, and for that I am VERY grateful, but just because we are believers, or even minister's wives, it doesn't take away the pain of the reality that we will not see them again this side of heaven.
You know for ministers and their families, death is as much a part of life as birth. How many times have we stood with families over the bed of a loved one that had passed away or stood with them beside a casket at a funeral home or a grave at the cemetery? We seem to do that all the time. But again, I am reminded that this is a difficult path to walk down. Thank God He promises never to leave us or forsake us!!!
Jeanne
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Working 9 to 5?
Dolly Parton and I have little in common....I cannot sing....nor am I "built" like her....but I do have a Dolly Parton-looking wig that was my inheritance from my grandmother. Yes! She was 5'2", bald, and always wore a HUGE blonde wig!
Remember the Dolly Parton song and/or movie "9 to 5"? Have you ever wished your husband had a "9 to 5" job? That he would be home during "normal" hours like everyone else? Do you ever resent the time he spends away from you and your family?
When our children were born, my husband was in youth ministry--and gone a lot. I remember long days and difficult evenings with babies crying and not having enough hands. God led him to pastor when they were preschoolers....and he continued to be gone long hours. Even now that we are empty nesters, I still miss him being gone so much.
Over the years I have heard many moms/wives complain about the amount of time their husbands are gone....and how it became a "thorn in their flesh" and in their marriage. How do we cope? How do we handle the many pulls on our husbands?
For me....it has been another important ministry....to free my husband up to do what God has asked him to do. I might not be able to be in all the places he can be or do all the things he does, but I can give him the freedom to minister, study, and serve....and then, when he does come home, not heap guilt upon him. And, believe me, I have heaped my share of guilt over the years....even tried to pack some bags and send him on the grandest guilt trips ever!!
What if it becomes excessive though? What if your husband really is gone too much. What if your family is being neglected and suffering from his absence? Sit down with him....knee cap to knee cap....and share your heart with him.
You know, even Jesus, who had a HUGE to-do list was able to lift His eyes to heaven at the end of His life and say in John 17:4, "I have glorified You on earth, having accomplished everything You have given me to do." (Emphasis mine)
Jesus did not accomplish everything His mother wanted Him to do....or the disciples....or the multitudes....he accomplished everything GOD wanted Him to do!! We must pray and encourage our husbands to only do what God asks him to do....and then he will be able to accomplish everything--including spending time with his family.
May we make our homes a place where he can come home and rest and be loved and encouraged.
Remember the Dolly Parton song and/or movie "9 to 5"? Have you ever wished your husband had a "9 to 5" job? That he would be home during "normal" hours like everyone else? Do you ever resent the time he spends away from you and your family?
When our children were born, my husband was in youth ministry--and gone a lot. I remember long days and difficult evenings with babies crying and not having enough hands. God led him to pastor when they were preschoolers....and he continued to be gone long hours. Even now that we are empty nesters, I still miss him being gone so much.
Over the years I have heard many moms/wives complain about the amount of time their husbands are gone....and how it became a "thorn in their flesh" and in their marriage. How do we cope? How do we handle the many pulls on our husbands?
For me....it has been another important ministry....to free my husband up to do what God has asked him to do. I might not be able to be in all the places he can be or do all the things he does, but I can give him the freedom to minister, study, and serve....and then, when he does come home, not heap guilt upon him. And, believe me, I have heaped my share of guilt over the years....even tried to pack some bags and send him on the grandest guilt trips ever!!
What if it becomes excessive though? What if your husband really is gone too much. What if your family is being neglected and suffering from his absence? Sit down with him....knee cap to knee cap....and share your heart with him.
You know, even Jesus, who had a HUGE to-do list was able to lift His eyes to heaven at the end of His life and say in John 17:4, "I have glorified You on earth, having accomplished everything You have given me to do." (Emphasis mine)
Jesus did not accomplish everything His mother wanted Him to do....or the disciples....or the multitudes....he accomplished everything GOD wanted Him to do!! We must pray and encourage our husbands to only do what God asks him to do....and then he will be able to accomplish everything--including spending time with his family.
May we make our homes a place where he can come home and rest and be loved and encouraged.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
"You Are Not One of Us"
"Oh, yea, that's right, you are not 'one of us'". Someone said that to me not too long ago. Now, what does that mean? We have lived and served in this town for over 14 years. What does it take to be 'one of us'?
Have you ever been made to feel like you were not 'one of us'? Did it hurt? How did you cope? For me, sometimes I get discouraged, depressed, frustrated or lonesome...but that particular time I was able to let it wash over me...sort of like water does over a windshield that has been covered with Rain-X!!
In preparation for a conference I was to lead earlier this month on how to minister to ministers and their families, I asked lots and lots of ministers, minister's wives and minister's kids what were some of their struggles. One of the most common responses I got was loneliness. Not being included in activities outside of church. Not feeling like they were accepted as 'one of them'.
What can we do? What have you found that has helped you? Do you struggle with loneliness? Do you long for someone to just hang out with? Someone who you can shop with? Call on the phone to chit-chat with? Sure, we might be surrounded by lots of people....but we might be hungry for sincere, honest relationships.
To be candid, it can be quite difficult to find someone in your church you can confide in, really trust. AND, if you have been hurt, you might not want to make yourself vulnerable again and so you have built walls around yourself....or even worse....perhaps even 'shut down'.
Let me encourage you....trust again....and be trustworthy. Ask God to provide someone for you to be yourself with. Someone who will love you unconditionally....someone you can trust. He is faithful...you know that....and He knows what we need. Now, it might take a seemingly long time....but, dear friend, it will be worth the wait!!
I might not be "one of them" but I know I am HIS!!!
Have you ever been made to feel like you were not 'one of us'? Did it hurt? How did you cope? For me, sometimes I get discouraged, depressed, frustrated or lonesome...but that particular time I was able to let it wash over me...sort of like water does over a windshield that has been covered with Rain-X!!
In preparation for a conference I was to lead earlier this month on how to minister to ministers and their families, I asked lots and lots of ministers, minister's wives and minister's kids what were some of their struggles. One of the most common responses I got was loneliness. Not being included in activities outside of church. Not feeling like they were accepted as 'one of them'.
What can we do? What have you found that has helped you? Do you struggle with loneliness? Do you long for someone to just hang out with? Someone who you can shop with? Call on the phone to chit-chat with? Sure, we might be surrounded by lots of people....but we might be hungry for sincere, honest relationships.
To be candid, it can be quite difficult to find someone in your church you can confide in, really trust. AND, if you have been hurt, you might not want to make yourself vulnerable again and so you have built walls around yourself....or even worse....perhaps even 'shut down'.
Let me encourage you....trust again....and be trustworthy. Ask God to provide someone for you to be yourself with. Someone who will love you unconditionally....someone you can trust. He is faithful...you know that....and He knows what we need. Now, it might take a seemingly long time....but, dear friend, it will be worth the wait!!
I might not be "one of them" but I know I am HIS!!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Unconditional Love
Growing up in a home as the only girl with 3 brothers, you might think I was spoiled. Quite the opposite!! In fact, I spent more time grounded than all 3 of my brothers put together!
As far back as I can remember, I longed to be accepted, liked, loved....by my family, my friends, my classmates. I thought, if I was popular, then I would be happy. I would sit for hours looking through my brother's high school annual at the pictures of the girls who were homecoming queens and class favorites thinking, "if I were chosen class favorite, then I would be happy!"
By the time I reached my Junior year in High School I had accomplished all my "dreams" and of course, still was not happy. It was not until I heard about Jesus through Young Life (a non denominational ministry to High School students)....and after many questions and struggles with lack of belief in the miracles....in my bedroom one night....I told God I wanted to be His...that I had no idea what it all meant...but that I wanted Him to take my life...all of it....and then true joy finally came.
The problem was that I carried this false mindset of conditional love and of wanting to please people into my relationship with God. I longed to be loved and accepted by Him. I thought if I "did right" He would love me, if I did not, I would be zapped or "in trouble"!! I had to learn all about unconditional love which I had never known before.
Not only did it affect my relationship with God, it affected my relationship with my husband and people in the church. I desperately want to be "liked", "accepted", "loved" and want to please everyone. To be the "perfect" pastor's wife. It is EXHAUSTING trying to be a people pleaser and a burden that God never intended for me/us to carry!!!
One day the Lord showed me Luke 6:26 which says, "Woe to you when all men speak well of you...!" What freedom that brought!! You mean, my job is not to make everyone happy??? He gently reminded me, "No!!"
Do you struggle with being a "people pleaser" like me? Do you want to try to make everyone "OK"? I am learning, slowly but surely, that it is not only impossible to make everyone happy....it is wrong. As I pondered on this issue, I remembered that not everyone liked Paul, or Peter, or Jesus!!! I am pretty sure that God wants me to please Him....and He will take care of all of those other people!!
Let's enjoy the freedom God gives us....that we are totally loved and accepted by Him!! Not by what we do or do not do but because of His grace and mercy!!
How can we KNOW we are loved unconditionally by God? How can we love unconditionally?
As far back as I can remember, I longed to be accepted, liked, loved....by my family, my friends, my classmates. I thought, if I was popular, then I would be happy. I would sit for hours looking through my brother's high school annual at the pictures of the girls who were homecoming queens and class favorites thinking, "if I were chosen class favorite, then I would be happy!"
By the time I reached my Junior year in High School I had accomplished all my "dreams" and of course, still was not happy. It was not until I heard about Jesus through Young Life (a non denominational ministry to High School students)....and after many questions and struggles with lack of belief in the miracles....in my bedroom one night....I told God I wanted to be His...that I had no idea what it all meant...but that I wanted Him to take my life...all of it....and then true joy finally came.
The problem was that I carried this false mindset of conditional love and of wanting to please people into my relationship with God. I longed to be loved and accepted by Him. I thought if I "did right" He would love me, if I did not, I would be zapped or "in trouble"!! I had to learn all about unconditional love which I had never known before.
Not only did it affect my relationship with God, it affected my relationship with my husband and people in the church. I desperately want to be "liked", "accepted", "loved" and want to please everyone. To be the "perfect" pastor's wife. It is EXHAUSTING trying to be a people pleaser and a burden that God never intended for me/us to carry!!!
One day the Lord showed me Luke 6:26 which says, "Woe to you when all men speak well of you...!" What freedom that brought!! You mean, my job is not to make everyone happy??? He gently reminded me, "No!!"
Do you struggle with being a "people pleaser" like me? Do you want to try to make everyone "OK"? I am learning, slowly but surely, that it is not only impossible to make everyone happy....it is wrong. As I pondered on this issue, I remembered that not everyone liked Paul, or Peter, or Jesus!!! I am pretty sure that God wants me to please Him....and He will take care of all of those other people!!
Let's enjoy the freedom God gives us....that we are totally loved and accepted by Him!! Not by what we do or do not do but because of His grace and mercy!!
How can we KNOW we are loved unconditionally by God? How can we love unconditionally?
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The James Gang
Hello! I am Dana, the 4th of 5 writers in this blog and am fearful, excited, fearful, humbled, fearful, overwhelmed and did I say fearful??? as I sit before this computer.
I am the cute blonde 3rd from the left in the picture....just kidding!! That is Nikki, our daughter-in-law, who is also a minister's wife. She is married to our son Brandon (behind her). That is Ashleigh, our daughter, holding baby Jackson and Josh, her husband holding little Ella. Ashleigh will be a minister's wife when the Lord provides a place for Josh to serve...he just graduated from Southern Seminary.
I am standing next to that handsome grey haired man...my precious husband of 33 years, Ernie.
This is my family....and they have been my most important ministry over the years. You see, I longed to be a Godly woman....a Godly wife.....a Godly mother, but it was so difficult for me. I had no idea how to be any of those things. I did not grow up in a Christian home and had no Godly influences in my life....I had no examples to follow and I knew no Godly women. When I turned my life over to Christ, I desperately needed and wanted women who would teach me. Who I could watch and listen and learn from.
Oh ladies, are you desperate to have women in your life who know God....not just know about God? For women who believe God....not just believe in God. Do you have women that you are discipling? Mentoring? Do you have women that you trust and that you can sit at their feet and learn from them?
Let's pray for God to provide those women. Let's ask God to make us those women! Let's trust Him to provide....there is much at stake!!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
God's Call
When did you hear God call you to be His child? Were you a child , teenager, adult? Can you remember how you felt? Did you fully understand what it meant to be a "Child of the King"?
I am sure you remember, and like me, you know that we will never fully understand all it means to be a "Child of the King" until we sit in the King's presence in our home, Heaven.
What about your call to be a minister's wife? Do you remember that? Some of you are thinking... I was NOT called, my husband was called! I hate to disagree, but I believe if you capture the truth of your calling, you will be blessed beyond measure. Whether you married a minister or God called him after you married, it was a dual call!
The Bible says "the two became one flesh". ONE - that is what happens in marriage. When God called your husband, he called you. A very special, privilege and honor given to the two of you - called into the ministry - to be one of God's anointed couples!
What exactly is the call? I have learned the call for each of us is very different. Some of us are called to jump in and serve side by side - visiting, teaching, counseling, singing and the list goes on. Some of us are called to pray in the background. Stay at home wives and/or moms, who make a home of comfort, joy and peace for our husband and children. One call is not more important than another, each call is special.
I have also found that with each church and stage of life the call can change, expand or be seemingly reduced. God stretches me and uses me in different ways. My job is to answer God's call. Can you differentiate the difference between God's call and the call of the congregation?
There are some priorities for us that are the same for each of us. I will share on Friday some of these with you. As long as you are answering God's call and not man's, you will be blessed.
Today, stop and thank God for the call.
I am sure you remember, and like me, you know that we will never fully understand all it means to be a "Child of the King" until we sit in the King's presence in our home, Heaven.
What about your call to be a minister's wife? Do you remember that? Some of you are thinking... I was NOT called, my husband was called! I hate to disagree, but I believe if you capture the truth of your calling, you will be blessed beyond measure. Whether you married a minister or God called him after you married, it was a dual call!
The Bible says "the two became one flesh". ONE - that is what happens in marriage. When God called your husband, he called you. A very special, privilege and honor given to the two of you - called into the ministry - to be one of God's anointed couples!
What exactly is the call? I have learned the call for each of us is very different. Some of us are called to jump in and serve side by side - visiting, teaching, counseling, singing and the list goes on. Some of us are called to pray in the background. Stay at home wives and/or moms, who make a home of comfort, joy and peace for our husband and children. One call is not more important than another, each call is special.
I have also found that with each church and stage of life the call can change, expand or be seemingly reduced. God stretches me and uses me in different ways. My job is to answer God's call. Can you differentiate the difference between God's call and the call of the congregation?
There are some priorities for us that are the same for each of us. I will share on Friday some of these with you. As long as you are answering God's call and not man's, you will be blessed.
Today, stop and thank God for the call.
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