What is the Role of a Pastor's Wife?

Some people think that a pastor’s wife sits around all day eating chocolate bonbons and reading the Bible.  Now as nice as that may seem to some of you, this idea is NOT me.  Yes, I read the Bible and I certainly enjoy my chocolate, however, I do believe as pastor’s wife or any staff wife has a role to fill.  I am not an expert so I did a little research to find out what some other sisters in ministry thought on the subject. 

First, we are to be our husband’s helpmate or as one staff wives calls her role “best supporting actress.”  We need to realize we are not in the main role but we should stand alongside our husbands encouraging them.  We need to pray daily for our men as they face a spiritual warfare that we cannot even imagine.  We need to show our support but also offer wise counsel on ideas he may have.  We are called to help not hinder our husband’s work and the Heavenly Father’s work.  One dear friend, whose husband is a pastor, believes that pastors’ wives are no different than other wives. However, if there is a standard, she believes that 1 Timothy 3:11 calls us to be “to be respected, not to speak evil, exercise self-control and faithful in all things.” Personally, I think this scripture again can apply to all women.

Second, I believe God calls us to our role.  If you are married to your called out husband then sister, you are called as well.  We should strive to be Godly role models to other women in our churches.   There are so many women in our congregations and society that have no clue what a Godly women looks like.  Also, as a couple we should strive to set the example on what a Godly marriage looks like.

Third, I believe we need to have our own identity (we are not just the pastor’s wife).    Girlfriends, this is vital.    For example, I tell my Bible study class each week that in that one hour time frame I am NOT the pastor’s wife.  I am simply Vickie and I can be myself.  I love my husband and I love being a minister’s wife.  However, I have been a much happier person when I realized I have a name and I do not have to live up to all the expectations.  All I need to know is that I am loved by God, my husband, and my family

Last, I believe that as ministers’ wives we all have our own passions.  God has implanted those passions deep within us.  Like me, it may take time for you to find your passion.  It took me years.  I have served in music, children, youth, WMU, etc but in the last seven years, God has planted a passion for caring for fellow ministers’ wives.  I strive to encourage my own staff wives plus encourage other wives who I might only meet once.  I find that if I am not doing what God has called me to do then I am a useless pile of flesh.  You do have a God given passion so pursue it.  I would like to add one simple point.  It is perfectly okay to say NO to something you do not feel like God has called you to do. 

So girlfriends and to the sister who asked for this issue to be discussed, I hope you are encouraged in discovering just what your role is as a minister’s wife.  If you have more opinions, feel free to share with us by leaving a comment. 

What is the Role of the Pastor's Wife?

Some people think that a pastor’s wife sits around all day eating chocolate bonbons and reading the bible.  Now as nice as that may seem to some of you, this idea is NOT me.  Yes, I read the Bible and I certainly enjoy my chocolate, however, I do believe as pastor’s wife or any staff wife has a role to fill.  I am not an expert so I did a little research to find out what some other sisters in ministry thought on the subject. 

First, we are to be our husband’s helpmate or as one staff wives calls her role “best supporting actress.”  We need to realize we are not in the mail role but we should stand alongside our husbands encouraging them.  We need to pray daily for our men as they face a spiritual warfare that we cannot even imagine.  We need to show our support but also offer wise counsel on ideas he may have.  We are called to help not hinder our husband’s work and the Heavenly Father’s work.  One dear friend, whose husband is a pastor, believes that pastors’ wives are no different than other wives. However, if there is a standard, she believes that 1 Timothy 3:11 calls us to  be “to be respected, not to speak evil, exercise self-control and faithful in all things.” Personally, I think this scripture again can apply to all women.

Second, I believe God calls us to our role.  If you are married to your called out husband then sister, you are called as well.  We should strive to be Godly role models to other women in our churches.   There are so many women in our churches and society that have no clue what a Godly women looks like.  Also, as a couple we should strive to set the example on what a Godly marriage looks like.

Third, I believe we need to have our own identity (we are not just the pastor’s wife).    Girlfriends, this is vital.    For example, I tell my Bible study class each week that in that one hour time frame I am NOT the pastor’s wife.  I am simply Vickie and I can be myself.  I love my husband and I love being a minister’s wife.  However, I have been a much happier person when I realized I have a name and I do not have to live up to all the expectations.  All I need to know is that I am loved by God, my husband, and my family

Last, I believe that as ministers’ wives we all have our own passions.  God has implanted those passions deep within us.  Like me, it may take time for you to find your passion.  It took me years.  I have served in music, children, youth, WMU, etc but in the last seven years, God has planted a passion for caring for fellow ministers’ wives.  I strive to encourage my own staff wives plus encourage other wives who I might only meet once.  I find that if I am not doing what God has called me to do then I am a useless pile of flesh.  You do have a God given passion so pursue it.  I would like to add one simple point.  It is perfectly okay to say NO to something you do not feel like God has called you to do. 

So girlfriends and to the sister who asked for this issue to be discussed, I hope you are encouraged in discovering just what your role is as a minister’s wife.  If you have more opinions, feel free to share with us by leaving a comment. 

 

God Can Do A Lot With A Little

The Lord can take a little and transform it into a lot!   Do you believe that?  Do you truly believe that God can take a little bit of “something” and miraculously turn it into an overflowing abundance?   He has done that, He is doing that, and He will continue to do that in the future!

He has done that:  Just recently I taught my Sunday school class the lesson about Jesus feeding over 5000---for you Bible trivia buffs, this is the only miracle recorded in all four Gospels. It is a wonderful lesson in not only showing God’s provision, but also in having faith, the kind of faith that believes that nothing is impossible with God.  You all know the story:  Jesus had been teaching the multitudes and healing the sick, and as evening approached, our Lord recognized their need for physical food.  With only two fish and five loaves provided by a little boy among the crowd, our Lord blessed it and supernaturally fed over 5000 hungry souls!  There were even twelve baskets of leftovers, what an awesome Provider!    He took a little and made a lot!

He is doing that:  I can give testimony of my own life.   When the Lord saved me, He gave me the primary gifts of teaching and exhortation.  And because I love Him and want to serve Him, my Lord has taken “little old me” and used me to teach, encourage, mentor, disciple, and pray for others.  At times, I feel like I don’t  have much to offer, like the little lad’s fish and loaves,  but God takes my yielded life and  does things exceeding and abundantly above what I ever thought possible!   My boast is in Him alone!  He takes a little and makes a lot! 

He will continue to do that:  My sisters, what about you? What do you desire for the Lord to do with your life?   What “little” do you feel you have, that God can take and tremendously bless others?  I know that you all have gifts that the Holy Spirit has given you to serve the Lord and His people.  Joyously let Him continually use you to teach His word, minister to the sick,  reach the lost, feed the hungry, love the unlovable, and sooooo  much more!   Yes, He can continue to use your “little” and multiply it.    Remember He takes a little and makes a lot!  

May the words to the first verse of the song, “I Surrender All”, encourage all of us:

“All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him, In His presence daily live.”

Surrender all to Him and watch what happens!

The Lord Chooses

Some of you who are pastors’ and ministers’ wives probably wonder how you ended up in this role.   Was it an accident? Did it happen by chance?  Did someone make a mistake?  The answer to all of these questions is a resounding,  NO!!  God had YOU in mind, my dear sister.  Yes, the Lord chose YOU.

You may be asking, “Why did He choose me?" "What could God have possibly seen in me to select me to fill this role?”  “I feel so unqualified!”  All of us who fill these shoes have probably felt this way at one time or another.   You may feel like you are not talented enough, not spiritual enough, not patient enough, not hospitable enough, and other “not enoughs”!  

Although you may believe that you are not cut-out for the role of being the wife of a pastor or minister,  just reflect for a moment on all that the Lord has done through you.  He has strengthened you as you have stood beside your husband in ministry, supporting and encouraging him.  He has equipped you with certain gifts as you have served Him and His people.  He has given you a gentle and sensitive heart as you have prayed over situations and circumstances affecting your church.  He has allowed you to see Him answer prayers in a miraculous way.  He has given you godly, lifelong relationships.  After pondering these things, and perhaps many more, would you still ask the question, “Why me?”

This year my husband will celebrate 16 years of ministry, the last 9 years as a pastor and the first 7 years as an associate minister.   And I can honestly look back and see wonderful blessings and relationships that our Father has bestowed on me and our family, blessings  that we would not have experienced had my husband not accepted the Lord’s call to serve, and had I not accepted my role to faithfully stand beside him.  Our 16 year journey has by no means been without some bumps and trials along the way.  But the great experiences and blessings have far outweighed the unpleasant moments.

Remember, precious sister, God did choose you. When we truly meditate on the sovereignty of God, we know that nothing, absolutely nothing happens by chance or accident.  You are a pastor’s wife or minister’s wife for such a time as this, to make a difference in the world and in your church.   No matter what our critics say (we all have those!), we also have our encouragers and people who dearly love us and pray for us.   Most importantly, our Savior loves us and chose us to serve and glorify Him!

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit........."  John 15:16a

UPDATE!!!!

I mentioned Monday that Roger and I had prayed and prayed about a personal situation for over a year and we got word that He had answered that prayer on Monday.  We cried, shouted and jumped up and down.

Our son called me at work Monday afternoon with the news.  He was offered another job and he took it.  He will still be working for the U.S. Army Corp of Engineers.  AND....he is moving HOME.  (At least to this area.)  His job will be at Chickamauga Dam in Chattanooga.
His current job is at Old Hickory Lake in Hendersonville, TN, which is about three hours from us.

He and his wife were miserable so far from home.  We had prayed and prayed that God would open the doors.  He sent out resumes, etc.  We figured he would have to leave the Corp to find work in East TN.  BUT....God opened the doors in His perfect timing.  (Their lease runs out the end of this month and they had not signed their new lease yet.)  Now it makes sense why God had not opened the doors for Melanie a job.

We were praying for ANYTHING in East Tennessee.  God had His own plans..................not only did he allow him to move back to E. TN............he gave him the closest Army Corp job to us in Dayton, TN.......and he will not lose his seniority or benefits.

PRAISE THE LORD.............God is Good...ALL THE TIME.

And....if you have ever had dealings with a government job...you know they tend to drag their feet.  NOT in this case.  He starts his new job March 11th.

We did a happy dance..........shouted...........and cried.  When your children hurt, you hurt too.

Did I mention that I was HAPPY? 

Bi-Vocatonal Pastors and Wives Conference

 

Hopefully, if your husband is Bi-Vocational, you have already registered for the annual Bi-Vocational Pastors and Wives Conference this next week; February 21 - 23.

If you have already made plans to attend, I look forward to seeing you.  Stop by the Registration Table.  My husband and I will be working there and I look forward to meeting you.

I am very excited about the conference and the topics that will be covered.  The title of the Conference is "Renewing Our Hearts to Our Master, to Our Marriage, and to Our Ministry."  WOW.....and the speakers this year are off the top.  There is NO WAY you can leave this conference without your cup running over.  I am really looking forward to it.

IF you did not make plans to attend this year, PLEASE check back and make plans to attend next year.  It is usually scheduled in February.  This year will be the 14th year that my husband and I have attended and every year we leave thinking there is NO WAY next year can be this good...........and each year the conference gets better and better and "gooder" and "gooder" ..............YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS IT ANOTHER YEAR!!!

Love My "Little Man"

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

We prayed for "Little Man" before he was conceived.  We prayed for him before we knew he was a male.  We prayed for him before he was born, and NOW, we are already praying that he will receive Christ as His Savor at an early age.

"Little Man" has already been such a blessing to us.  He is 11 weeks old and has been sleeping through the night for a few weeks.  He is such a happy baby with a pleasant nature.

Thank you for bearing with me and allowing me to, once again, share another "grandbaby picture".