Speaking Your Mate's Love Language

The topic that I was asked to speak on today was "Speaking the Love Language of Your Mate".

First of all, had Roger and I known our own and each other's love language years ago, it would have certainly saved us some hurt feelings. 

 For example:  We got married in August.  My birthday was in October.  He had always done good with birthday presents, etc.  I was expecting him to" knock my socks of"f with this being our first time to celebrate it married.

That day, he took off work.  Helped me clean up around the house.  We worked on several to-do lists together.  We just did all kinds of things together.
That night, we got dressed up and he took me out to eat.

We came home.....as it got later.....I began to pout......I was hurt.  FINALLY, out of anger, I told him I was hurt because there was no card; no present and no cake.  He kept saying that he was sorry but he had spent the day with me so he did not have time to get anything.  WRONG ANSWER.  Late that night, he was out begging the manager of Food World to open the bakery and sell him one of the cakes and he grabbed some perfume and a card..................but it was too late.

Over the years I was embarrassed over my selfish actions.

After studying the Love Languages and discovering mine and Roger's.........I realized what the problem was.

Roger's Love Language is QUALITY TIME with Act of Service running a close second.  He was working in construction at the time.  He took the entire day off to spend it with me.  He HELPED me in the house.  He worked on to-do lists and he took me to eat....................so he was showing me HIS love language in every way he know.

The problem was........my Love Language is RECEIVING GIFTS with Word of Affirmation running a very close second..  It is not about money. The gift could have been as simple as picking me a bouquet of wild flowers and writing me a sweet note.  The time and effort put into it was what I was looking for to make me feel loved.  Therefore....when he said, "I didn't have time.......I lost it and reminded him that my birthday had not changed so he had had 365 days to prepare. 

All of this sounds silly....................but had we known our own and each other's Love Language.............it could have been avoided all the way around.

What is your love language?  What is your husband's love language?
FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES:

1. Word of Affirmation - Word people:  they need encouragement, compliments, reassurance, etc.
2. Physical Touch - they need you sitting close, holding hands, a gentle touch, a hug...
3. Receiving Gifts - is not materialism; thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift.
4. Quality Time - they need your full, undivided attention.
5. Acts of Service - they want you to do special things for them like making dinner, fixing a favorite dessert, or just helping them.

If you don't know your husband's love language or even yours.....I would like to encourage you to read Gary Chapman's book and discover it. 

NO PRESSURE....

I DO believe in the Power of Prayer......I guess that is why it appears that this entire week of blog is full of PRAYER REQUESTS.

I am typing this ahead of time because today, Roger and I are in Pigeon Forge at the 2015 Bi-Vocational Ministers and Wives Retreat.  Last year our granddaughter was born and we MISSED the retreat.  That was the first retreat that we had missed in 15 years.  Therefore, we have really looked forward to going this year.

However....I need your prayers.  I am a one-on-one person.  I do not do large groups....even though I am a teacher.  (That is different....)  Someone said, "Hey, you blog every five weeks."  That is different also.  When I blog, I do not see people.  Also, if a person does not want to read what I blog, they can skip it.  

Anyway, I was asked to be the "bi-vocational wife" that leads one of the sessions at this retreat.

Now, for any of you bi-vocational wives.......we ALL KNOW that Jenny is "suppose" to lead our sessions.  We LOVE Jenny;  she is so REAL.  However, this year, Bro. Ray wanted to invite Randy Davis and Jenny to be a part of our retreat, but to also give them some down time where they could sit back and relax since their schedules are very demanding throughout the year.

I got volunteered to be the "other speaker".

Okay....get the picture.........

1. JENNY speaks on Thursday.
2. I follow JENNY on Friday.
3. TONY RANKIN (who we all know is also a wonderful speaker) will be leading the men at the same time that I am leading the women.

NO PRESSURE!!!

Did I mention that speaking in front of large groups is NOT anywhere near MY COMFORT ZONE?  

One thing about it....since speaking is out of my box, every time I DO find myself in a position where I am speaking at groups, I HAVE to lean on God....because Kathy can not do it herself.

All jokes aside..........I DO NEED YOUR PRAYERS......I will be speaking from 10:45-11:45 tomorrow, Friday, January 30th.

This is where I NEED YOU......

• Please PRAY that God will speak through me
• PRAY that I will feel God's presence.
• Pray that He will remove my anxiety.
• Pray that I will be KATHY and not worry about everyone else.
• Last, but definitely not least....Pray that I will not speak TOO LONG.  (I tend to give the 9 month version and not just the birth.  Smile.)

UPDATE.....on Breast Cancer

December 16th I blogged out of turn with a VERY URGENT PRAYER REQUEST:  our daughter-in-law's mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer, etc.

Her name is Debbie and she met with the surgeon the next day.  He told her that she has Grade 3, stage 2 cancer and that they could not do surgery until she had very aggressive Chemo.  

They did a body PET SCAN on December 23rd.  It appears that the cancer has not spread....but given the type of cancer, they can not take chances.  She will have six treatments of aggressive Chemo (over an 18 week span); then a double mastectomy; then probably radiation and more than likely a complete hysterectomy.

A week ago, they did surgery and put her Chemo port in.  This past Thursday, January 22nd, she had her first aggressive treatment.

PLEASE keep her in your prayers.  Although the road is not impossible, she does have a very bumpy, long hard road ahead of her.

Pray that the Chemo works. Pray it does not spread.  Pray she is not too sick.  Pray that she will still be able to work....to keep her insurance and income.  (Praise the Lord....she works from home as a medical transcriber.)

Also....pray for her family:  our daughter-in-law and son; her other two daughters and a son-in-law; her granddaughter; her mom and dad.

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS...............and like Tonya said, THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER.

Here is a picture of  sweet Debbie when her granddaughter was first born....so that you can put a face with your prayers.  Thank you in advance for the prayers.

HELP....How Can I Encourage.....

Our church has been growing and was really on fire for God.  I mentioned several blogs ago to really pray for us because when "Good Things Happen", Satan is waiting to do whatever and use whoever he can to tear it down.

Satan is currently working over-time.  What started out as adding a little praise music to our Baptist Hymns and people complaining........quickly turned into "the younger ones that are on fire for God and bringing people in coming and going"............to the "older ones" complaining that the younger ones were taking over etc.

The "ones being used of Satan" are threatening to withhold tithes.  Roger told them to keep their money;  God would not bless money given so begrudgingly....and to not worry....God WOULD get HIS money and with interest.  It has gotten very nasty.

Our church is made up of about 80% of people under the age of 35.  However, the ones that are being  used by Satan, have now decided to wear those phones out and see if they can just get rid of the preacher.........".then the younger ones will leave...and their problems will be solved."

Roger is so close to throwing the towel in and walking away.  He says it is hurting his health, etc.  I feel that it is just Satan....and that most of our congregation is younger anyway, but he is so discouraged that he does not want to battle.  He said, "I have not done anything wrong.  All I have done is love them, pour our God's Word to them and try to keep peace."  I might add that initially, when he thought the battle was over the music, etc., he said if he left it would be because Roger wanted to leave and not because God said to leave....and THAT WOULD BE WRONG.  He then said, I KNOW this is the direction that God is leading our church so I am going to see it through.

This was ALL BEFORE they started the campaign to "VOTE THE PREACHER OUT".  

He feels it is a lose-lose situation and he is loosing a battle he never wanted to fight.

He said that right now if he leaves..........the younger 80% will leave and find them another church that they can work in and wins souls to Christ........and the 20% will stay, be happy and watch the church die along with them.

I keep trying to encourage him to not give Satan the victory, but it is getting harder and harder for me to encourage him when I am resenting all of the hurtful things and daggers when thrown at us.

I keep telling myself, what I tell everyone else........the people are not the enemy.  Satan is the enemy.  We need to pray for the people because they are being used of the devil..............................BUT.....in the middle of the storm it is hard to let that sink in.

Ladies....how do you encourage your husbands...when you are getting so discouraged yourself?  

This is tough.  We have at least five families that are wanting to join our church and we would not be surprised to see them walk the aisle at any service, but right now, Roger says that the way he feels, he could not let them join.........because he does not think it is fair to them to join into a war....and not even know what kind of  internal turmoil is brewing.

Please PRAY for our church and for Roger.  And, please, if you have ANY suggestions on how I can ENCOURAGE him when I don't feel very uplifted myself, I would welcome any and all suggestions.

Mrs. Mahalia

On December 28, 2014, our church threw a BIG BIRTHDAY PARTY for Mrs. Mahalia Cooper, who was 100 years old.  She outlived her husband and all four of her children.  She buried one son last December and the last son in March.  The only thing that kept her going was.....for a year, she could not wait until her birthday party.  She was so excited that day.

After her party, she was ready to go home.  Less than a week later, she was in the hospital and from there went to the nursing home.  This past Thursday night, she met Jesus face to face.  I am sure she is running the streets of gold in her new body as I type this.

I know we all have "Mrs. Mahalias" that really make a mark in our lives, but I wanted to share mine today.  I feel very blessed to have known Mrs. Mahalia and called her a dear friend for eighteen years. 

I have blogged about Mrs. Mahalia at least twice;  once last December when I mentioned about the 99 year old who cooked a DELICIOUS lunch for us.  Then in July, I mentioned her when I posted pictures of Squash Relish that I had made from her recipe.  I even posted the recipe.

One day you will get to meet her face to face, but in the meantime, I would like for you to meet this dear lady.......

The Resolution to Be "That Mom"

I didn’t know I had done it.

I had prepared, fed and washed the last bottle for my youngest and, Lord-willing, last baby.

Actually, I didn’t have a clue that it was really truly over until I began to move the bottles from my kitchen cabinet to the Goodwill box.

After reading a blogged linked from Facebook, this past fall, I knew it was going to happen. The “have to” of prepping and washing bottles along with a laundry list of other parental responsibilities would be quickly passing. I would no longer “get to” do these things for my babies.

With my oldest child, I encouraged and welcomed these milestones. I couldn’t wait for her to dress, bathe and feed herself. Now, with feeling as though God has said our family of five is complete, I am not so anxious for these days to pass. They are fleeting quickly enough on their own.

So, over the holiday break, when any one of my three girls asked me to put them to bed, read them a story or play a game with them, I did it. When I felt tired, I reminded myself that THIS day is a gift from God and a limited opportunity to be with my child.  The day will come when I am no longer wanted at bedtime, or needed to prepare a PB&J.

As I've written earlier this week, I'm not really making resolutions this year. But, I am striving to see things differently. This part of my life is no exception.

The things I have thought of as endless chores, I will now see as a fleeting opportunity to be the mom I really want to be, the mother I am called and equipped by God to be.  Honestly, I guess I am committing myself to a change of attitude.

I am giving thought to how I do want my girls to remember me and I am committing myself to be  “that mom.” I don’t want my girls to remember me as busy or tired or hurried or hassled.

Like with any resolution, I know I will fail sometimes, and I am thankful that God’s grace will cover that.

Yet, unlike just any resolution, I have the equipping power of the Holy Spirit inside of me that will finish the work in me that He has begun. The same power that raised Christ from the dead will help me accomplish this goal as long as I keep Him –not my resolution, as  my focus. And I know He will be glorified with this attitude change. He will be pleased  to make me “that mom.”

A "New" Thing NOT A Resolution

In my last post I mentioned procrastinating something I knew God was calling me to do. I am all too often more guilty of sins of omission than sins of commission. I know God is wanting me to do something and I put Him off.

One of those things I knew He was wanting me to do was to take up scripture memory again. I had lots of excuses, including the fact I can barely keep my three girls' names straight. (I am always calling each them by one of their sisters' names!) How was I going to be able to memorize scripture?

God was persistent though . . .

I had seen where several Facebook friends were participating in Beth Moore's scripture memory program and had intended to check it out . . . when I had the time . . .

Then a good girlfriend from the last church we served texted me. She said God kept bringing me to her mind and felt compelled to invite me to join her in that same challenge.

So, I did indeed check it out. As I read through the requirements, I knew God was asking me if I was finally going to be obedient. I knew I had to do it. However, I would NOT call this a resolution! For me this is all about faithfully doing what God had laid on my heart.

So, I was on board, but what scripture would I memorize? God had that covered too.

I scrolled through the verses other ladies all over the country had already selected. Then I saw it. It was the first entry with a picture so it caught my eye. Then I read the sweet lady's name. It was my maiden name. Ladies, my maiden name is Rambo, not a common name. I felt sure that this was God's way of pointing out what verse He wanted me to commit to memory.

The verse is:
"Behold, I am doing a new thing, now it springs forth; can you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19 ESV

Literally, within the following 24 hours, God confirmed that He is doing a "new" thing. He is a God of "new" and He knew that I would need the promise that He would make a way . . .

I did memorize it. My sweet friend has encouraged me and already held be accountable. We have begun our second verse too. This time I am working on Joshua 1:9. I have already been so blessed by this process. I am so thankful that He persistently pursued me into a closer, deeper walk with Him.

Dear Sisters, please don't neglect what "new" thing God is calling you to do today. Remember, each morning is a grace-given "new" opportunity for Him to do a "new" thing in you! You won't regret it!