"I Used to Be"

A few years ago I went to visit a pastor’s wife who was in jail….she eventually went to trial for murdering her pastor-husband. I did not want to go see her….God made me go!! I had a burning in my heart for her. Why was life so terrible for her? Did she want “out” of the whole minister’s wife role so desperately?

While I was there, another lady came in to see the same woman. Why was she there, I wondered? I looked deep into her eyes and asked “Are you a pastor’s wife?” She said, “I used to be”. God had compelled both of us to drive from two different parts of the state to go and see this minister’s wife. Why? Because we know what it is like to be a minister’s wife? Because we know that it can be challenging?

Before we left the jail that day, my new friend and I sat down and she began to share with me her story of abuse and pain and betrayal at the hand of her minister husband, and then, eventually, death.

A few months later I received a phone call from another woman that I had never met, who through tears and torment, began to share with me her devastating story. She was divorced from her minister husband….but no one at the church knew they were divorced...they were still living together. She was having an affair with a man from another state….and her minister husband not only approved of it, but encouraged it. Ladies, I am just touching the tip of the iceberg of her story of sin and destruction and pain.

We must realize that not all minister’s families have these perfect, Godly marriages and homes. Not all homes are wrapped up and tied with the perfect matching ribbon. That underneath the wrappings and ribbons, there is much pain and hurt and sin in our homes. We carefully, meticulously put on our happy faces and make sure the church thinks that all is well….when all is not well!!

I could share with you many other stories of adultery, thievery, pride, divorce, homosexuality, etc....all going on in the minister’s family. And I am sure you can too. Am I talking to you? Are you suffering? How can we help you? How can I help you?

Many of you “used to be” a minister’s wife. You have experienced the pain of divorce or the ache of death or the challenge of retirement or the confusion and fear of changing careers. Many of us who are now minister’s wives might one day say I “used to be” a minister’s wife.

Ladies, if we are not careful, our identity and worth can be wrapped up in what we do or who our children are or being married to a minister. I exhort you, sister, do NOT get caught in that trap. You are a precious, beloved, gifted woman….created for a purpose to bring glory to God. And praise Him….once we are His we will NEVER be able to say “I used to be His!!!"

Father, I pray for my sister who is suffering now. Who desperately needs help. I ask that You would provide her with Godly council. I pray for her husband and their marriage. That they would repent of their sin, that they enemy would be defeated and that restoration would come. Bring them to You....anoint them with Your power and forgiveness and strength. I also pray for Shari and any others who are searching for a Church to serve You and be served. Lead them, Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Left Behind

My husband has been gone 51 days.

• Yes, I am counting!!
• No, I did not get to go with him.
• Yes, I will eventually get to go.

I have been “left behind” because of commitments I needed to fulfill here before I could make the move. This separation has provided many challenges, vacancies and opportunities.

For instance:

• A typical week of laundry consists of a handful of panties instead of several loads.
• The remote control is always where I left it and never lost in the cushion of the recliner.
• I never wake up to the sweet sound of snoring.

And I miss all of it! I miss my husband. We have been married over 33 years and we are best friends. He has begun his new ministry in our new church and God is using him. He is meeting people and talks about names I am not familiar with. He goes places I cannot envision.

Another challenge that I struggle with is, where do I go to church? Many weekends I am not able to travel the eight hours to be with my husband and our new church because of speaking engagements and I have been told it would be best if I did not go back to our church here. So, what am I to do? Do I drive for 45 minutes to an hour to go to church in another town? Do I go to another church in our small town? Do I stay home and go to the church on the TV? Others have told me I should return to our church. So I am open to suggestions. What has worked for you? What am I to do? (So far I have done all of the above!!)

What a strange place to be. A pastor’s wife visiting other churches!! Honestly, at times, it has been freeing! To be anonymous.! To be able to worship and not know anyone, talk to anyone! To be able to focus on the Lord and not on anyone else. What freedom!!

I am so ready to be reunited with my husband….and in the meantime, I long to use this time to get to know my God. To sit at His feet. To not waste a second of this “season”. To do as Paul says in Philippians, to “Know Him and the Power of his resurrection…”. To learn how to love and serve my husband from a distance. To pray and seek wisdom as to how God might use me at our new church. To understand that this sense of loneliness and feeling disconnected from the old church and the new church will be used for His glory and my good.

The truth is….I have not been "left behind"!! Jeremiah 20:11 says “the Lord stands beside my like a great warrior!!”

Live Life Loved

I did not say anything in my last postings about our move….and I am not sure why. Perhaps it was because it has all been quite overwhelming and for some strange reason, not “talking” about it makes it not seem real.

These past few months have been challenging, encouraging, exciting, reflective, fearful, busy, and exhausting. We were so encouraged as our church sent us off with words of exhortation and reflection and love. I weep as I reflect on our last Sunday as the people shared with us how God had used us, and, for the very first time in 15 years…I realized how loved we really were. How sad to have to wait until we leave to grasp the truth of the love the people had for us.

Oh ladies, how often I struggle with not knowing if I am loved. I long for people to love me. To accept me. BUT how wrong it is for me to long for the love of people….to get my fulfillment and joy from their love. I MUST live my life knowing that my Father in heaven loves me so fully and unconditionally….Oh, Lord, I want to know how loved I am by You….I don’t want to wait until I leave this earth and see Your accepting eyes and fall at Your feet before I grasp this Truth.

My sweet “70-something” friend wrote to me saying she was praying for me to “live life loved”. When I first read it, I thought she was talking about living life loved by people….WRONG! I am to live life loved by HIM.

You, my friend, are precious. You are loved! Isaiah 43:4 says, “Others died that you might live. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.”

Let me warn you as well....In the words of Denver Moore in Same Kind of Different as Me, “what is precious to God becomes important to satan.” (I would HIGHLY recommend this book!!! It is life-changing).

Allow yourselves to be loved….by God and by the people in your church.

Oh, Father, I thank you for the amazing, perfect love You have for us. I ask that You would speak Your love to this precious woman reading this and that she would KNOW how loved she is by You! I stand against the enemy who would want her to ignore that love or reject that love or not believe in that love. In Jesus’ name, amen.

God's Orders

I have shared with you the orders of 'shelter and stay' and 'mandatory evacuation'. Both of these were used during hurricane Ike in Houston. They were completely opposite orders for different people in different places. Each order was given in the best interest of the people. The officials in Houston were trying to keep people safe and provide for their needs.

We receive these same orders in ministry at different times.

At times we are serving in a church with many trials. The longer we serve the more frustrated we become. The normal response is, "God let me out of here!" At times He may say yes, but more often He says, "shelter and stay". These are the times we learn to love like He loves us, we learn to trust He is in control, we allow the fire to refine.

The more difficult time for our family was when our church was growing and we loved our people, we felt loved by them and God said, "evacuate". It just did not make sense to us. Why now? "We are getting Your work done, Lord." I could give God many reasons why we needed to be in that place, yet He gave the evacuation orders.

We have choices to make when God gives His orders. We can obey, obey with joy, obey with resentment, obey with trust, obey kicking and screaming all the way. Of course, we can also disobey.

Ladies, wherever you are in your journey with God, I know you already understand the importance of obeying. I so want you to go further and receive the blessings of obeying in trust and joy. Let me allow God to give you His assurance as you obey His orders.

Jeremiah 1:5a, 7b "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you ... For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall speak."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Mandatory Evacuation

I shared with you our order to shelter and stay during hurricane Ike. Today I want to share with you the order of "mandatory evacuation".

As we watched the tracking of the hurricane on the news, we heard that Galveston was ordered to evacuate. The people of Galveston were told there would be no power, no water, no police, no fireman, no nurses, no doctors, No Help! Repeatedly they were told they must leave and warned of impending death. The roads going into Galveston were closed and all roads were opened to go out of Galveston.

I was amazed at how many warnings were given to these people. It seemed all day and night for days they were told to evacuate, yet some did not want to leave behind their homes, cars, stuff. Mandatory evacuation, not optional, not a request, but an order. A giant storm was coming, they needed to leave, wasn't that enough information?

Through the years in ministry, we at times received the call to evacuate. God would tell us it was time to pick up and move. There were times we did not want to move. We were happy serving where we were at that time. Our children were in school and we had more to do at the church, yet God said, "Evacuate". Leave your stuff and go.

When we obey God's mandatory evacuation call, we can be sure He will open the roads to go. When we refuse we can be sure we will be without Power and Help!

Genesis 12:1-2 "Get out of your country, from your family and from your father's house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you."

I pray you will always be willing to evacuate when God gives the order. He will bless you.

Hurricane Ike

I went to Houston for my cancer check up a few weeks ago. It was the normal round of all day testing and visiting doctors. As we were finishing the day, a nurse said, "we will try to get you out of here before the hurricane hits."

Well, the hurricane hit and we were ordered to "shelter and stay". That means, don't leave, stay put, remain where you are, STOP! We obeyed those orders and went through our first hurricane. It was not something I can explain or describe. The rain was like a waterfall, falling horizontally and the wind was so loud that we could hardly hear ourselves talk.

As we went through the next six to eight hours of unending rain and wind, I was amazed at the power and destruction going on around me. We had to stay away from the windows, but we could hear many things being destroyed, moved and uprooted throughout the night.

I am telling you this because I thought about the many times in ministry when it seemed that destruction was going on around me. Families being torn apart, jobs being lost, loved ones leaving this earthly home. Even when we could not see what was going on in the people's lives we were serving, the sounds of hurt, confusion and anger were there.

We were not hurt during the hurricane because we followed the orders of "shelter and stay". God has the same orders for us at special times in our lives. He tell us in Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." As we serve, there are times when we must stop and shelter and stay, under the shelter of His wings, safe and secure. Wait on Him, trust His Word, listen to His instructions and obey. He will give you the direction you need in the middle of the worst storms.

Hugs and Kisses

I believe I have mentioned that there are a few of things on this planet that I just cannot live without-Jesus, my family, chocolate and girlfriends. Now, Jesus and my family are extremely important to me and nothing will ever replace them. However, a healthy dose of dark chocolate and gabbing with girlfriends keep my heart healthy. Well, face it. It has been stated that chocolate can be good for you plus add in the laughter of great girlfriends and you have it made!

Today, I lunched with four precious girlfriends. The ironic part of this lunch is that four of us are staff wives at my church and the other is a member of the church. However, we have a common bond-Jesus and a desire to know one another.

Since this is clergy/staff appreciation month, I would like to say that each staff person whether a pastor or youth leader deserves a standing ovation from their churches. They carry the burden of so many people and must be a servant for Christ. I know in our church each staff person is vital to the body of Christ. However, I will say that we staff wives deserve our pat on the back too.

No matter whether your church is small or large a staff wife is vital to the ministry. We are partners in the work whether we like it or not. I personally love being a pastor's wife. Now, it is a big responsibility and there are times when I would like to stay home in my PJs and relax. In addition, there are times when I would like to yell at the people who are critical of our church. Often because of my humaness, I fell at my ministry role. However, I feel the call of Christ to be a supportive wife. a fellow servant, and a Christian witness. I also feel a deep desire to mentor other staff wives.

I am so blessed that the staff wives I serve with are open and friendly. I cherish them. We are all unique and vary in age. Our children range in age from young adult to two years old. We all have various areas of interest as well. However, the common bond we share is our love for Christ and our experiences in this sisterhood of ministry. What is even better and unique is that these ladies are truly my girlfriends. I just love and appreciate them so much.

Let me encourage you to find a way to tell your fellow staff wives thank you for serving with you at your church. If you are the only staff wife, then find another staff wife from another church and spend time with her. Our unique sisterhood can only be understood by a fellow sister. There are plenty of staff wives out there who are so lonely and just need an encouraging word or hug. Ask the Lord to place a staff wife on your heart today and do something special for her. Here are a couple of suggestions:

*Send a note of encouragement

*Place a few Hershey Hugs and Kisses in a bag and write a note.

*Go lunch together

*Make a phone call

*Go to Sonic for a coke

To all the ministers wives who read our blog, I would like to say thank you for all your hard work. May the Lord shower His blessings on you today in a very special way. Since I do not have any Hershey chocolate on me at the moment, I'll close by saying "Hugs and Kisses from a fellow sister."