New Memories

As I drove the six hours over various interstates and highways, I was not sure if I'd make it in time. I did not know what I would find when my journey ended.

So many questions flooded my thoughts - none of which I could possibly know the answers to and each of which could lead my imagination to places I didn't want to go.

The word "Remember" came to mind from my devotion that morning as I struggled to take captive the thoughts that could so easily influence my weight on the gas pedal and my ability to adhere to other important traffic laws. (See my previous post.)

I was forced to accept my limitations. My eyes were fully opened to the MANY things of which I have no control over. My prayers confessed those truths as I pleaded for His will to be done and for His peace to abound, covering us all.

As I entered the hospital room to find my grandmother laying there with a barrage of monitors with all their wiring and tubes, once again I found my Heavenly Father faithful.

Into the night and over the next day, I learned of how God had indeed answered my prayers for peace. She told me of her near death experience and how she said "the Lord" had comforted her. She was no longer so afraid of the process of dying - that she knew that when her time did in fact come He had assured her that she wouldn't be alone.

I will treasure those conversations and moments of just sitting by her hospital bed. I will pass on the stories she told- not just of her youthful days but also of God's provision for her 89 years so far. I will also share how God showed me His presence in my uncertainty and how He is so much more than adequate and sufficient when I am completely powerless and incapable.

Yes, it's true that we learn much more about God in our dark places. When we are faced with our limitations and inadequacies, we are more likely to depend upon Him.

For me it was my inability to heal my grandmother or ease my mother's anxieties or to get there faster - For my grandmother it was facing full on her fear of dying (not of death, she's secure in her eternal salvation but the process of getting to her final destination is a real fear for all of us if we're honest.)

Friday, God brushed aside the distractions and demands of every day life to reveal the place He has always been to remind me that He will always be there.

As the sun set to my left on I-75 North in southwestern Ohio, I sang hymns and choruses to the One who wasn't answering my questions but was reminding me that He was with me. I wasn't alone in that car.

My grandmother isn't facing her mortality alone.

My mother and my aunt have His supernatural, raising-Jesus-from-the dead, strength to press on.

She is still with us and not physically with her Lord yet. We all know the grief of losing our matriarch is still creeping ever closer, more now than ever, and the awareness is keen. When that time does indeed come - I want to embrace those feelings knowing that God is with me in them.

When the pain pierces and interrupts the flow of my ordinary, mundane life I will remember when God gave me this past weekend - my time with her, yes of course,  but also how it all led to sweet time with Him. I learned more of His character, His faithfulness and His goodness.

Yes, I knew of those truths before the phone call came but by the end of the day I had first-hand experience of them.

All of us are either facing something now, or will be soon enough. None of us is immune to hard seasons. God is just teaching me to accept them through His grace, not to ignore them or wish them away. God is allowing them to grow me and make me long expectantly for the day when my faith has truly become sight.

I don't know what you may be facing, but I hope these words have brought reminders to you of His faithfulness and purposeful reliability. Our prayers confessing our short-comings and pleading for His presence will NOT be ignored. These are the cries He rushes to our side to answer. These are the moments in time where He gives us new memories of His goodness to us.