Do It Afraid!!

In case you don’t already know this about me, I am like little miss “Much-Afraid” from Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.  If you have not already read this book (or if it has been a long time), run, don’t walk to your nearest library or book store and get it!!  Or click/drag/touch to your nearest App or Amazon site and get it!  Either way, acquire it and read it!!  It is a beautiful allegory depicting Much-Afraid as she travels with her two companions Sorrow and Suffering and battles her fears while traveling to new heights of love and power and victory!! 

So, like I said, I am Little Miss Much-Afraid.  Here are just a few of the things I am afraid of:

• Driving over tall bridges.  A few years ago I was about to leave Carol’s house in Dallas to drive home trying to figure out how to miss the very, very tall bridge to get to the interstate I needed to get on.  She said, “Dana!  You went to Africa all by yourself you can drive over that bridge!!”  Truth.  She spoke truth!
• High diving boards!  Oh the child in me still remembers standing on that high dive at McCree park pool while the 100’s of people shouted for me to jump!!  Shivers still now!
• Being the first one let off at home when in a car of my Jr. High friends.  After all, what will they say about me when I’m not there?
• Speaking in front of people.  Crazy since I do this all of the time.  I still get diarrhea.
• Going out in public and seeing certain people.  Won’t mention any names.
• Failure
• Disappointing people
• Saying/doing/writing the wrong thing
• Not saying/doing the right thing
• What people think about me
• What people say about me
• Driving on Interstates

I am not afraid of all of these all of the time and, believe me, this is not a complete list….but it is what crossed my mind and/or am going through right now.

Interestingly enough it is thundering and lightning right now and I am not afraid of that!  Or of spiders or of dying or of the dark.

Much of the things I am afraid of….I do anyway.  It’s what I call “doing it afraid”!  For years I would wait until I wasn’t afraid any more to attempt to do something….but God has told me to “do it afraid”.  Example:  God told the Israelites to cross over the Jordan River even though the banks were overflowing.  That means there was LOTS of water and how in the world were they going to cross over with all their gear and little ones and stuff?  It wasn’t until they put their feet in to the Jordan River that the water dried up!  Me?  I want to wait until the river is easy to cross….then I’ll do it.  God says, ‘No….do it first and then I’ll dry it up.’  It’s a faith thing.  A trust thing.  See Joshua 2-3

I am afraid to drive on Interstates.

There.  I said it again.  I mentioned it in the list above but I feel like I need to say it again.  expound.  confess.  admit.  it's a burden. 

I honestly feel like I have written this multiple times in one of my blog posts over the last year or two because it has become so problematic and difficult and such an issue with me….but I cannot find any record of it….so I suppose I have written it on the portals of my heart and my mind rather than my computer.

 

This fear is so odd because….

1. I learned to drive in Dallas.  Not a lot of country roads there.
2. I have driven from Texas to Tennessee.  From California to Indiana.  From many heres to many theres on many Interstates multiple times.

And all of a sudden….I am afraid to drive on Interstates!!

And this is a problem.  It’s a problem for many reasons but it’s a problem especially because I do a lot of traveling to speak. 

For years I’d love to pack up my car and hit the road with praise music blaring and worshiping and preparing my heart and mind to share what it is God has put on my heart to share.  A sweet time with me and God.

For the past two years or so I still pack up my car and hit the road with praise music blaring and worshiping and preparing my heart and mind to share what it is God has put on my heart to share but I have to do it taking back roads and feeling so frustrated and guilty and sad that I am afraid to drive on the Interstate.

Why?  What is wrong with me?  What can I do about it?

Many times I am speaking on Power and Strength and here I am powerless and weak and unable to do such a seemingly impossible thing.

There have been a few times I got on the Interstate for a few miles and ‘did it afraid’.  Some call it "exposure therapy".  Oh the victory!

There have been many, many times I gave in to my fear.  Oh the defeat.

I know that this is something that must be conquered because I know women who do not drive at all.  Did they start out not driving on interstates and then it escalated to not driving on busy streets to not driving out of town to not driving anywhere?  The ugly spiral I see ahead of me scares me.

 

I see myself making decisions about visiting family or taking children places based on whether or not I have to drive on an Interstate!!  My decisions MUST be based on what God wants NOT on what I can or cannot do.

Why am I sharing this?  I am not sure.  I hate to even admit such a thing.  But what I am sure about is if you have any advice, help, or thoughts...let me know!!  AND that if there is something you are fearful of….do it afraid! 

I cannot wait until I can write to say I am no longer afraid to drive on Interstates!!