Monday, December 25, 2017


Our glorious Savior has many wonderful, awesome, beautiful names! In my blog on this blessed Christmas Day, I want to focus on one of His names, Immanuel.

When the divine Child was born that holy night over two thousand years ago, God came to live with us. His name, Immanuel, means, “God with us”. Oh, what joy to know that God incarnate had come to earth in the form of a tiny baby, born of a virgin! His coming demonstrated the lavish love of God in sending His Only Son to be the Savior for all the world. Today we still rejoice with the angel who announced, “For today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

As a tribute to Jesus, our Lord and Savior, I created an acronym for His name, Immanuel:

I Invincible – He is unconquerable; all things are subject to Him, and He overcomes everything!

M Mighty – He is all powerful, and the source of all strength!

M Maker – He is the One who made us, and He was in the beginning creating the heavens and the earth!

A Advocate – He represents us before the Father; without His righteousness we cannot stand before a Holy God!

N Near – He is always in our midst; there is nowhere in all the universe where we can escape His presence!

U Unique – He is the self-existent One; there is no one comparable to Him from eternity past or present!

E Exalted – He alone is to be worshiped, praised, and adored. All glory belongs to Him!

L Love – He is pure love; He manifested His unconditional love by giving His life on the cross so that we could live with Him forever!

Meditate on the greatness of our King! IMMANUEL, He is worthy to be praised!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Sunday, December 24, 2017

God Is with Us

Don’t you wish that some people in our lives could be there always?


Family members sometimes move away or relationships become strained.

Friends come and go, and may just be in our lives for a season.

Co-workers are there as long as we have a particular job.

Church family is there as long as we are members of a certain congregation.

Dear neighbors are there until someone leaves the neighborhood.

Even if people don’t physically leave us, relationships can turn sour as a result of betrayal, hurtful words, jealousy, and power struggles. And, of course, death is inevitable, and we grieve and mourn those we have lost.

I know that all this sounds very somber, but…

It’s comforting to know that there is ONE who will ALWAYS be there. He won’t move away, He won’t leave under any circumstance, and He cannot die, for He has conquered death forever, Halleluiah!!!

His name is JESUS.

He is also called IMMANUEL, which means that “God is with us”. (Matthew 1:23)

I love to do acronyms, and as a reminder of Who our awesome Savior is, I did an acronym for IMMANUEL.

Read about it in my Christmas Day blog post tomorrow.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

To Do List....

November 28, 2012

On November 28, 2012 our lives were changed forever.

Just a year before, the Specialists told our daughter and her husband that they could not conceive.  Her nurse practitioner said....they are only doctors, you and I know the Great Physician!  Praise the Lord............she was RIGHT.

On November 28, 2012.....five years ago, this little miracle was born.  He is one of the most loving and compassionate and fun loving little guys you will ever meet.  These pictures give you a little glimpse of his great big hearted personality.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from the Brittons...
Just as the card says....we are truly Blessed.....
From left to right.....our daughter-in-law, Melanie; our son, Cody; me &Roger;
our daughter, Kacie; our son-in-law, Chase.....and
on the front....our grandchildren....Kinley Grace and Cameron Lee.

Thursday, December 21, 2017


2017 is almost over.  Whewwwww.....what a year it has been.

This is my last time to blog this year, so I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for bearing with me.  I have been blogging and representing the Bi-Vo Wives for several years now and I still feel that Lana Rose has a sense of humor or she would not have asked me.  She has four "Beth Moores" blogging.............and ME! 

I still feel as inadequate as I did in the very beginning.  Honestly the only way I can even blog is I pretend that no one reads it anyway and when I run into someone and they mention my blog, I am so embarrassed.

I still have not shared the blog address with the ladies at our church............and in January we will have been there twenty-one years.  Guess I don't share

I know that if you are reading this you are wondering how it is so hard for me to blog when each time I blog at least once every day. 

See......I am a one-on-one person.  I can talk your head  Each time that it is my time to blog, I have no earthly idea what I will blog about, but once I get started, I can't stop.  (Kind of like my one-on-one

My blogs are an open book..........just like my life.  If you know me, you know All About Me...

I feel like my blogs are like that.  Every once in a while I will go back and re-read some of the older ones and think.............."What was I thinking?" and other times I will re-read something and think......"wonder if they would notice if I deleted that?".....and other times I will re-read one and think......"where did THAT come from?  Must have been a God thing because that is the only way I could have written that.."  Regardless....I just write what is on my heart at the moment and it may or may not be very spiritual.

I saved this and just went back and looked...................seems as if I started 2017 off in January blogging about feeling inadequate.  Sorry for the repeat.

This post is only to THANK YOU for BEARING with me.  I love each and every one of you.

I'll be back in 2018!

Wednesday, December 20, 2017


Every Christmas we help several people out.  Not everyone is as blessed as us.

This year was no different.

I treated my student, Ben....the one I blogged about last time who went on T.V. saying he just wanted a "Forever Family"...........with surprises in his locker every day for a week.  He was soooooo excited, but it did not take him long to figure out that I was doing it.  I keep my Bible Journal on my desk at school and sometimes when I have my planning period, I will blog.  Randomly the students will look at it and ask me questions.  Ben was one of those curious students.  Finally about a week ago, he asked me where he could get a Bible Journal.  Needless to say, one day his "locker surprise" was a "Redneck Bible Journal" and colored pencils.

We also have a neighbor guy who I began buying Christmas for when he was very young................he is now in his thirties and I still get him Christmas every year.  (He is poor and is lacking family.)  Sometimes.....if I know what he needs, I will buy him shoes, coat, clothes, etc.  This year, I chose to just buy him several "Eating Out Gift Cards".

And....several of us went together and adopted this Mexican family that are members of our church.  It is a dad and his three children....ages 1st grade, 3rd grade and 4th grade.  Their dad is a very hard worker..........but his work slows down in the winter and especially during the holidays.  This year we bought them clothes, toys, candy, stockings, pajamas, etc........and we even got dad some clothes and a new Bible in Spanish.  He speaks very good English, but he confessed that he understands it better in his language.  (If you follow my blogs.............this is the same guy that got saved at our Tent Revival a couple of years ago.  Since.......he has invited several families to out church and all three of his children have accepted Christ.

I know that all of you HELP people too.  This is to name a few that we have helped this year.  I am only sharing it to say...............NOW.....


God Stepped In....

As we were watching the finale of "The Voice" last night, I couldn't help smile and then praise God..............two of the last four rocked it Monday night when over half of America was watching the show and Red sang "I Prayed  and  Brooke sang, "Oh, Holy Night""......for ALL OF AMERICAN TO HEAR. 

What a testimony.  In the time we are living in when Christianity is usually omitted or avoided.  Both of these showed the whole world what they believe.

Brooke and Red may not have won "The Voice", but as far as I am concerned...they are both winners.

When the media avoids anything to do with Christianity...........God stepped up and used two people who were willing and eager to show the world what they believe.

It was very refreshing................and encouraging.


Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Christmas Tree

I LOVE the holidays and love putting up the tree early and enjoying it.

BUT....THAT ......DID NOT happen this year.  We finally put our tree up yesterday afternoon.  Some say..............what's the point....................well, my kids and grandkids will be here I wanted it up. 

Normally I spend an entire day putting up the tree............fluffing it just right and then placing each ornament...just right.  I purposely posted THIS picture to show you how imperfect it is........stockings are laying in the floor......wrapping paper is on the sofa....the tree is leaning...................BUT....IT'S OKAY.  Christmas will STILL come the same as always and you know.....probably none of my family will notice.....I am probably the only one that will even know...besides Roger.

Sometimes we get so caught up in "traditions" and "duties" that we forget the real reason for the season.

During this stressful couple of months......................we did slow down long enough to go with our grandkids to see the movie, "The Star".

If you have not seen "The Star"....I would like to encourage you to go see it.  It is a cartoon about the birth of Jesus..........but it follows very closely to the scriptures and even lets folks know that not everyone is going to heaven.

My favorite part was watching our grandkids get sooo excited when they recognized things in the movie......the Star........the Wise Jesus...............Mary and Joseph, etc.

If you are stressed this year and running in circles....................STOP....and choose what is the most important.  Leave the other things off.

JESUS is the REASON for the SEASON!


Monday, December 18, 2017


Okay....every year I like to go above and beyond to make the holidays special for my family...and friends.

This year I started early....making hard Christmas candy that a sweet friend...another pastor's wife....shared with me.  It's not hard..............just time consuming.  AND...the more I made...the more I wanted to make.  My list got longer and longer.

I blogged the last time about Roger and I hurting on the inside because of something we are facing and because of this heavy burden.

From the end of October until now is mostly a blur.....because of the heavy burden and hurt.  (I asked you to please pray....................please continue....prayers are being answered....but more are needed.) goal was still to "make" Christmas gifts.....find the perfect gifts....cook everyone's special treats.....have the house all dolled up, etc............all while dealing of the stress of the heavy burden and hurt.

Why do we feel like we HAVE to be "Super Women"?

This past weekend, we traveled to Alabama to have Christmas with our moms and siblings.

All week had been a rush, rush, rush................with very little sleep.  I was trying to "close up" things for school.....get things ready to go to, presents, etc........all the while getting further and further behind with daily tasks here at home.

I'm it takes more for me to see things than for others. 
Friday night............while rushing around.....I slipped and fell and hurt my foot.  At that point I was not sure whether it needed medical attention or not, but..........I didn't have time for that.

A little bit later, Roger knocked his "pen press" into the floor and broke the handle off.  He makes pens for gifts.......and sells them.

He was smoking a brisket to take to his mom's for sandwiches on Saturday.  He fell asleep and burnt the brisket.........but thank goodness he was also smoking a Boston butt............but he dropped half of that in the floor.  Saturday morning he made a hasty trip to the grocery store to get a meat and cheese that we could provide the expected sandwich meat.

On the way to Alabama....a rock flew up and dinged my windshield.  AND.....I left part of the gifts at home.....the homemade salsa I had worked on one night earlier in the week that I planned on passing out to everyone.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH............................FINALLY....I GOT IT.

Time to SLOW down.....................and leave things off. 

We survived without the salsa.  My foot is still sore, but I have diagnosed it as just bruised since it seems to be getting better.

My cooking list is smaller.........................and we will survive this year without a tree and decorations in every room.

ENOUGH is ENOUGH...............time to SLOW DOWN and enjoy the Holidays.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

How I Am Celebrating This Year

Every year, during the Christmas season, I attempt to experience the "old" story of Christ's birth in a "new" way.

During Decembers that I was pregnant, I easily identified and marveled at Mary's role in the unfolding of God's plan. In some years, the shepherds seemed to stand out a little more, while in others the whole, sleepy, unsuspecting town of Bethlehem seemed to speak to how God could be (and is) working all around me and I would be missing it - completely unaware of what amazing things He is doing.

Every December, as a family we gather in our living room around a small advent wreath each Sunday evening leading up to and including Christmas morning. Our girls call this time "Candlelight Christmas" as we light a corresponding candle for our themed focus. We've done this over the years to try and keep the girls' focus on Jesus instead of gifts, Santa or parties.

As I mentioned in my prior post, knowing that my personal Christmases of the past few years have just grown so overwhelmingly busy and even chaotic, I wanted to make sure that this year I was able to meaningfully experience and celebrate a joyful, Christ-centered Christmas season.

Little did I realize the spiritual battle I was entering into . . .

Of course Satan IS trying to distract me with all the familiar temptations - expectation, worry, stress, busyness. . .

I am attempting to battle back with prayer, worship and scripture.

In my prayers, I am confessing that I am not able to do this. I am asking that God will help me to discern and accomplish what is really important. I am thanking Him that He is growing me and teaching me more about Him in and through all this craziness.

My worship has been enriched with some new-to-me Christmas WORSHIP songs this season. Don't get me wrong, there is a TON of solid, worship-filled, rich-in-meaning classics out there that I cherish - but this year, He is speaking to me by teaching me some new ones. I downloaded Chris Tomlin's "Adore: Christmas Song of Worship (Live)" and I cannot get enough of this album. Tomlin did not include "Jingle Bells" or "White Christmas" so a trip to the mall or the grocery has transformed into impromptu worship services on my way to wherever I am headed.

If God has taught me anything in 2017, it truly has been the overwhelming truth that His Word is powerful, transforming and needed. The 10-15 minute devotional time I am spending in the mornings has been encouraging and essential for combating and resisting the very real temptations of giving in to the whole idea of wishing this entire month away.

I just "happened" to stumble upon the advent devotional book I am using: "Unwrapping the Names of Jesus" by Asheritah Ciuciu. It is not wordy or long but it is solid. Not only has she provided the basis for our "Candlelight Christmas" devotionals, but the daily readings have given intentionality for my spiritual focus this December. Each day I am taking a look at a different name Jesus was either given or gave when He was telling us who He is.

As a result of the prayers, the praise and the powerful Word of God, this Christmas season I am learning and realizing more and more the amazing gift God has given us in His Son. The worship songs urge me to "Adore" the newborn king. My focus this advent has become Jesus Himself - not the people or the prophecies around His birth story - but He, Himself.

Last night on my drive between my local Walmart and my daughter's dance lesson, I found myself wiping tears of joy off my cheeks. The Holy Spirit was answering my prayers. God was giving me more of Himself to experience and my heart was overwhelmed - not by stress or worry- but by the amazing gift He gave of Himself.

There, on Madison Street, He broke through the noise and the busy. He met me where I was and I am not the same, neither is the rest of my holiday season. I am not saying that everything is done and I have it all completely under control or together or tied up with a bright, red bow...  But I have been given the gift of His presence, here with me, and I claim His joy through it all.

Monday, December 11, 2017

What ARE We Celebrating?

"What are we celebrating?"

I ask this question over and over again to my daughters, to my preschoolers and teenagers at church AND to myself . . .

The struggle is real and the spiritual battle is on. . . . .

The weekend after Thanksgiving I watched a couple Christmas specials with my kiddos. Neither mentioned Jesus, but both were centered around the idea of celebrating something.

The first was a VERY familiar, "older' cartoon where a certain green goblin attempts to rob the town of their Christmas by stealing all the things the people would use to acknowledge the holiday. He even nabs the "roast-beast!"

The people, without all the trappings, still gather and sing proclaiming that the reason of their holiday can be found within as they stand "heart-to-heart and hand-in-hand." They celebrate the love they have for each other and the "higher" ideals beyond the gift giving and receiving. The Grinch is SO touched that his heart "grows," his crimes against the townspeople are forgotten, and he is given a position of honor as he carves the before mentioned roast beast.

The second "Christmas" cartoon special was this particular franchise's holiday premier. It had some funny moments, but overall, I was not too impressed. The plot consisted of one group of characters trying to invent a holiday for the other group of characters to celebrate. Most of their ideas were pretty frivolous and downright cheesy when the second group realizes that they should celebrate their friendship with the first group. What could be better to celebrate than good friends?

As a Christian, I sat there almost dumbfounded at how confused and blinded the world is. If they take Christ out of Christmas then the holiday celebrates friends or family or tradition or good deeds. Our culture talks of the Christmas spirit, but they mean anything but the Spirit of Christ. Since they don't know the true Spirit of Christmas, then how can they celebrate it?

So I began to think about how I celebrate the coming of the Christ child. Before too long, I began to feel convicted. If someone followed me around or, worse yet, could hear the dialogue within my mind, could they tell any significant difference in how I acknowledge the season than someone who doesn't profess Christ?

My to-do list is seemingly endless. My calendar overwhelmed. My mind fried from trying to remember who is supposed to be where bringing what with them when. Confused? Yeah, me too!

Here, we have the BEST reason ever to celebrate - God has come to live among His creation, but even the most faithful among us can get easily swept into all the festivities that we can become separated from what we were intending to commemorate in the first place.

Like a parent that becomes separated from her child in a large crowd, assuming that he was with her all along, she turns to find him missing but has no idea how long he's been gone. Despite my best efforts - including buying and reading a daily advent devotional along with planning ahead as much as I can- this mother's desperation to hold on to and find her child could pretty accurately describe me at some various points on any given day this December.

Should I make our celebrations more simple? Should I practice saying "no" over and over again? Should I delegate some responsibilities to others?

Yes, probably . . . but I don't want to disappoint anyone. What if I let someone down?

Then it dawned on me. This struggle is not merely an internal one, but I am in a very real spiritual battle. If Satan can hide the true reason we are celebrating among all the tinsel and all the trappings -of course he would. If he can conceal the real reasons Christ's birth was SO spectacular to even those who tout the slogan "Keep Christ in Christmas!," why wouldn't he? Like a "Where's Waldo?" illustration, even the "good" Christmas sentiments pale in comparison and others are revealed for the folly they contain.

I don't have any step-by-step advice or even practical tips for keeping the "main thing the main thing." Honestly, I don't think I can add any more to my plate right now. I am definitely not looking for a quick fix - but.... how do you remind yourself what you are celebrating?

This Christmas I am learning and leaning... I am learning to stop and be in awe of Christmas by trying to really look for Christ AND I am leaning on Christ to keep up with this frantic pace, trusting Him with the dawn of each new day to be in the details and provide like only He can.

I wanted to grow spiritually this holy season. I just never imagined the lessons that God would teach me would begin with two secular, animated, 30 minute shows on TV. I guess it just goes to show that God can use all this frivolous stuff to still point us to Him. . . Like Waldo on the page, we can still find and acknowledge exactly what we should be celebrating this Christmas.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Going To See Mary Winkler

I had planned to share this story with you all at The Good Cup in November but my time ran out.  (Time running out….what a weird phrase!)  To be honest, I have often thought about sharing this journey many times but never have…maybe because it is so hard to explain all that happened and all that God did as a result…maybe because it is so personal to me…maybe it is because I am not sure how it will encourage, help, strengthen anyone.  Regardless, I am sharing it now.

Going to See Mary Winkler

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I was driving….driving….driving…going nowhere really….just driving and talking and crying out to God.  My heart was broken and I desperately needed the One who gives me all comfort.  (I was running away from home.  Which I do periodically and I highly recommend it for you too!  Insert grin here.)

I was needing a Word from Him.  I had nothing in me to teach for Sunday school the next day…and I had nothing in me to speak to the group of ladies who had invited me to speak the next night.  I was desperate for the Lord. 

I drove and prayed and worshipped

Somewhere in there…God convicted me that as I was teaching the ladies in Sunday school the spiritual gifts…I had been focused more on the gifts rather than the Holy Spirit.  I sensed this was something important.  That God was wanting to get my attention on this.  I repented for not knowing the Holy Spirit like I should…for not experiencing the power that is mine from Him…

During this thought process…and while I am driving to nowhere…I sense the Lord…God…the Holy Spirit…telling me to go to Selmer, TN and see the woman who had been all over the news for several days.

She was a pastor’s wife, from a town just 30 miles from where I lived…who had just recently confessed to shooting (and killing) her husband and running off with their three young daughters.

She had been on my heart and I felt God leading me to go.  Of course, immediately rationale set in. 

“They won’t let me see her.”
“I don’t know where the jail is”
I don’t know what to say to her
It is too far (I ended up driving for an hour and a half which would have been what it would have taken me to get there!!)

And so on…

The rationale won out and I continued to pray for God to reveal to me His power! (Crazy huh?  Wanting power without obedience!)

At home that night…I began searching scripture for teachings on the Holy Spirit.  I wanted more of God….and as I read much of the passages referred to the Power the Holy Spirit brings.

That is what I wanted!  More power!  Mark 12:24 says “Your problem is you don’t know the scripture and you don’t know the power of God”!  True!  And I want to know!!

A peace began to come over me throughout the night and as I taught Sunday school.  I confessed to them my sin of focusing on the gifts rather than the Holy Spirit….confessed my disobedience on not going to see the woman in jail….and confessed my desire to move out of this mediocre faith and for Him to work in our midst.

As I left class…I decided to not stay for our second service (I had already gone to the first service...just in case you thought I might have skipped out totally!  Grin) because I needed to get home to prepare for what I was to say that night.  I had an idea of what God wanted…but was not convinced. (I had even driven by the church the day before in my “running away from home tirade” thinking that being close to where the ladies were I could hear what God wanted me to share!  Crazy!)

I first drove through McDonalds to get a Dr. Pepper and then as I started home…the Holy Spirit compelled me again…

“Go to Selmer and see that woman.”

I had a choice to make….was I going to do like I did the day before?  Choose what makes sense and what was rationale?

Or was I going to say “yes”?

The same doubts and questions came….but I knew that if I was ever going to experience the power I was so desperately longing for…if I was going to know this Holy Spirit that indwells me…I had to say “yes”.

So instead of turning right to go home to prepare….I continue down Highway 64 towards Selmer, TN.

There is no fear….just peace knowing I was doing what I was being asked to do.

That morning in Sunday school someone asked "how can we know if when something like that comes into our minds…if it is the flesh or if it is the Holy Spirit?"  Another answered…”is the flesh even capable of asking us to do such things?”  Great questions!!  For me…in this situation…I knew it could not be the flesh because my flesh is not capable of suggesting I drive to Selmer, TN and visit a lady I don’t know in jail.  My motive was pure…I just wanted to get this bossy Holy Spirit off of my back!!

As I drove…the same questions and doubts arise…and I am constantly wondering…

How will I find the jail?  I have no idea where it is.
I don’t even know her name.
What will I say to the “jailer”?
What will I tell them I am there for?

About 15 minutes into the drive…I realize I had not even prayed!  How can that be?  How can I be doing such a “God” thing and not pray?  So, pray I did!  For her…for whatever it was God was bringing me to Selmer for.

I get there…not knowing where the jail is….and drive through town looking…drive around the court house looking….driving everywhere looking.  (Interesting that I am the “queen” of stopping and asking directions…but for some odd reason that was not an option.  Was it because I wanted God to do it all??  I really wanted to see His power?  Or was it that if I could not find it, I would not have to go through with this!!??  Obviously, this was before smart phones with map apps too!)

I find myself all the way out of town…no jail.  I end up on the bypass that takes me back to Bolivar.  To be honest I am relieved.  Perhaps God wanted me to just be willing.  That He was not really requiring anything more of me.  Like Abraham and Isaac…God tested Abraham to show him his faith.  But…part of me was disappointed.  I really had wanted to see the power of God.  So a combination of relief and disappointment washed over me as I headed back towards home. 

Just then….to my right….I see the Henco Furniture sign (A familiar business in west Tennessee)….and a large building that says “McNairy county justice building” or some such thing.  Is that a jail?  Could they not call it what it is?  I am passing it and still not sure until I see barb wire.  That’s it!!  God led me to the jail!!  He did it!! 

Now I had another choice to make.  Do I continue along the way or do I finish this?  I can’t stop and turn around…I am on a four lane bypass with no turn around for a while…so I had plenty of time to think about it.  What was I going to do?  I knew I had to finish this.  God had not brought me this far for me to quit!  I wanted to see His power!!

So finally I find a place to turn around and pulled into the parking lot of what I am assuming is a jail.  The lot is surprisingly (and thankfully) empty.  I was fearful there would be lots of media, etc. but, shockingly, there was no media cars or trucks around.

I walked into the building and saw no one.  Straight ahead of me was a narrow hall with a metal door at the end with a sign saying something about jail visitation.  I was in the right place!!  To my right I see bathrooms…and because by now my stomach is in knots…I make a bee-line for the nearest stall!!

I must stop here and put an interjection.  I did not have….nor have I yet….had any speculation about what happened in this case.  It never even crossed my mind if she was guilty or innocent.  I did not care about the ‘facts’.  I just knew that there was a young pastor’s wife who had three small daughters and a dead husband who was in jail and I was compelled to go. 

It was so strange to me that this was national news.  That I was reading about this in the newspaper and seeing it all over the news.  It seemed strange because it was/is so personal to me.  She had been on my heart ever since I heard it.  In fact, I was driving with Lana Rose across Tennessee (we were providing computer training for Ministry Assistants) when I first saw the Amber alert sign over I40 warning of the missing girls and mother.  The second I heard she was a pastor's wife I was burdened and it was personal.

Back to the jail.  When I first got there, there was no one around…but after I left the restroom and walked back into that hallway to the door labeled “Jail Visitation” I saw a small boy sitting on a narrow hard bench right outside the door.  I asked him if he knew how to get through that door…and he said his grandmother just went through it.  (That boy is implanted on my mind and heart as I am sure his mother or his father is in jail and he is dealing with their choices.) 

I try the door and it is locked.  The boy insists that all his grandmother did was walk in!  Not me!  It is locked!

I turn around and see a woman walking into the building and heading straight toward where I am standing.  She asks me what the jail protocol is!  What?  Me?  I have no idea what I am doing much less what the protocol is!!  She then asks "Are you here to see Mary Winkler.  Thank you Lord!  You provided me her name!  Now I know her name!!

Because I am sure she is a friend of Mary’s or a church member or family member, I am somewhat embarrassed to tell her that, '"Yes I am,  but I don’t know her...I have just driven from the west to see her."  Just as soon as I get the words out, she tells me she does not know her either!  That she has driven there from the Nashville area!  Tears fill my eyes we immediately embrace.

Just then a guard appears and asks us who we are there to see.  Now that I know her name, I confidently tell her “Mary Winkler”.  Immediately she tells us we cannot see her nor can we leave her a note.  We could mail something to the jail if we wanted to contact her.

I wanted to yell out….”BUT THIS WOMAN HAS COME FROM THE EAST AND I HAVE COME FROM THE WEST AND WE MUST SEE HER!!”  But before I could…she disappeared behind the metal doors and I was left standing with this new kindred spirit God had brought into my life.

Neither one of us could tear ourselves away from that small area and so we sat down on the hard, narrow, metal bench.  I looked in the eyes of this woman and asked her “Are you a pastor’s wife?”  She said “I used to be”.  She had been married to a very abusive, cruel husband/pastor.  As she began to tell me her story of pain and loneliness and fear, I knew she was one of the reasons God sent me there.

We each shared our story of why we were there…and both used the same word …compelled!  We were both compelled by God to be there.  She left at 7:30 that morning from Dickson, TN and I left later that morning and we both arrived at the same time. 
It broke my heart to think that just a few feet away behind steel doors and bars was a woman, in jail, alone and scared, who had no idea that God had compelled two women to come for her.  Tears flow even now as I reflect on that moment realizing that God does much that we have no idea He is doing.  That He compels people to act in our behalf and much of the time we have no idea.

I have not seen that woman since that day and I have long forgotten her name and her face, but I have not forgotten her.  She and Mary both represent women who are married to pastors and who struggle.  Women like them will forever be a burden I carry to the Lord.

There is more to this story….and I might share it later this week….and even though I never did get to see Mary, I communicated with her by letter until her trial was over.  I prayed for her a lot…and still do as He reminds me.  To me she represents all ministry wives who are struggling in silence…and I pray for them/you.  You are not alone. 

Side Note:  One of the rationales I have a tendency to give whenever the Holy Spirit asks me do something crazy is “I can’t stop and go see everyone who is in jail.”  Or “I can’t stop and pick up everyone who is walking along the side of the road who might need a ride.”  Or “I can’t befriend every homeless person!”

What I am hearing God say to that is this, “Dana James, I am not compelling you to go see every woman in jail…or offer a ride to every person walking on the side of the road….or befriend every homeless person.  I am compelling you to go see her!  To pick that one up.  To befriend that homeless person.”

You are not alone.  You are not forgotten. 

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

What is Next?

Wow!  It has been nearly four months since I have written/posted.  I’m pretty sure I have been fired….and deservedly so.  Every time it has been ‘my turn’ to write….I had nothing to say.  Or at least that is what I told myself.  Perhaps the real truth is I had plenty to say….I just didn’t know how to say (write) it.  Or I had plenty to say but I simply did not think anyone cared to hear (read) what I had to say.  Or I had much to say but did God really want me to say it?  Or I just didn’t want to write?  Regardless, the result was that I said nothing.  For nearly four months.

Today I have much to say but the same thoughts as above haunt me now….along with many others.  Where to start?  How to finish well (just in case I am fired)? 

Maybe I will start with how to finish well.  That has been a statement I have said out loud to my husband a lot these past few weeks.  You see, a few weeks ago he told our church that he was ‘retiring’ at the end of December.  What in the world???  ‘Retiring’?  What is that?  That is for old people.  Besides that word is not even biblical! 

We have been in full time ministry for 42 years.  42 stink’n, awesome, hard, crazy, busy, amazing years.  Now what do we do?  What is “next”?  The answer?  We don’t know. 

Truly, I never thought this would ever happen.  It was not anything that was ever on our radar.  In fact, each time the topic would come up in our discussion…..the discussion would last about five minutes.  Nope, ‘retirement’ was not for us.  Ever.

But God.  We have no idea why or how or when this happened but we both agreed that it was ‘time’.  Time for us to step away from serving our current church.  Time for us to stop and seek God and see what He has for us ‘next’. 

This is so new for us.  Every time we left a church it was because God was sending us to another one.  We always have known what was ‘next’.  Not now.  We have never left a church without leaving the town so this is also new….and awesome!!  It’s so hard to leave a church you love and where you have invested blood, sweat, and tears in and then leave them to invest in strangers…who before we know it, have become ‘our people’. 

For us, for now, we have no plans to move (but God might and that’s OK)...besides, where would we go?  We determined right away, for the betterment of our church and their new pastor, we will need to find another church to go to and to serve.  How do we do that?  We have NEVER looked for a church to go to!  God has always sent us to one to serve!!  Will that change?  Probably not!  He is still in the business of sending!!

Shockingly, I am not fearful or anxious or stressed about not having a paycheck.  Crazy, I say, crazy!!  I am excited and have much peace.  Granted….that might change tomorrow because that is how the enemy works….he does not love for us to be excited and/or have peace! 

Between you and me….I can already feel and see the stress and pressure of ministry slowly seeping out of us both.  I can tell my husband has so much more freedom as he preaches since he does not have the ‘business’ or the politics of the church on his plate/mind/heart.  He can preach and teach and love people!  No finance meetings.  No personnel meetings.  No weighty meetings!  Just preaching, teaching, loving.  What a novelty! 

As much as it is true that I am super excited to see what’s ‘next’….I am also quite reflective.  Forty two years, five churches, countless people.  I have often spoken and written about my feelings of inadequacy as a pastor’s wife….and truthfully don’t often see myself as one….yet that is all I have known for the past 42 years.  As I wrote in August...who am I? 

I have also taught two Bible studies in our churches every week for forever… what?  Is He done with me? 

As you can see I have many questions.  Many unknowns.  Many thoughtful moments as I ponder this new season.  What I do know is that He has a plan.  He will provide.  I must trust.