Monday, March 6, 2017

Feeling FAKE?

Do you ever feel FAKE?

I mean do you ever get dressed in your Sunday best clothes, walk in the doors of the church and smile when all you want to do is stay in your jammies, go anywhere but the church and have a good, ugly cry?

I have to confess, even recently, very recently, this has been me. I have felt so very FAKE.

I sang the hymns and shook the hands and smiled the smile because I knew that was expected of me, being a minister's wife and all. People were watching after all. I'm not just making that up either, being paranoid or self-absorbed.... I had them actually tell me.

As I thought about it, I realized that this charade isn't limited to us ministers' wives. It is not even exclusive to the Christian either, trying to portray that their life is easy and perfect because of their faith in Christ. With the added pressures social media has placed on the average American woman to be extraordinary in her daily balancing of life - no one is immune from from this feeling of being FAKE.

Why is it so hard to be transparent? Why is it so difficult to be vulnerable?

There is risk involved. Rejection. Judgment. Chastisement. Our reputation. Our spouse's standing. Our child's acceptance. Financial repercussions.

What will people say if they knew what you were really feeling this morning? Even worse, what would they think or say to someone else?

Please don't hear me say I've got the answers on how to be vulnerable and transparent. I am not even convinced that we always should be. Remember, I started this post by saying how very FAKE I have felt so very recently.

I do know how it feels to feel FAKE.

When I feel FAKE, I feel like I am dishonest, purposely letting people believe that I've got it altogether. I feel guilty because my head tells me I have been so blessed to be focused on whatever issue that has caused me to feel the need to be FAKE. I feel alone and isolated as if no one truly knows me or would even want to know me. Depression is never far behind the loneliness.

So... what do we do with our FAKE feelings?

These feelings are real and restricting. They paralyze us and keep us from living the full lives that Christ promised us in John 10:10. The Thief has a big time stealing our security, killing our joy and destroying our community.... all from feeling FAKE.

I thought I'd use my turn to blog this week to see if we could discuss how you've learned to handle these feelings or maybe just even give you a place to confess that you know the FAKE feelings I'm talking about.

Can you relate? Have you ever felt FAKE?


Brandi Hamm said...

I absolutely feel this way at times. I agree it is a scheme of Satan to isolate us from the relationships God desires for us to live in. There have been many times that I have left a church or women's group function and just felt like I was alone or I didn't fit in.. even shame or not feeling good enough and my instinct is to recluse/hide which would just make me feel more alone and depressed. For me just being aware of the spiritual attack that's happening is enough to move me to prayer and to go talk to a friend/mentor about how I am feeling. There is so much relief in saying it out loud. Once I have shared my feelings with God and with my friend I am no longer feeling alone in it. Another thing that helps with my thoughts/fears of rejection, judgement etc. is knowing that what God thinks of me is far more important than what others think of me. He is my provision and refuge and strength. This verse John 10:10 keeps coming up this week in relation to vulnerability and transparency in my life. Thanks for sharing your heart and allowing God to speak through you. It's friends in faith like you that keep me fighting the good fight and pressing onward to the abundant life Jesus promises. <3

Tara said...

Thank you Brand - for reading and for sharing your sweet, honest words! I may use them in my next post. I am hoping to get it up tonight! Please know that your encouragement means the world and I miss out Bible Study days - the way we could sit around and talk about the Word and pray for each other. We gotta get back together for some girl time soon!

Brandi Hamm said...

Yes!! I miss that time together too!