Thursday, August 24, 2017

I Have No Idea Who I Am

I have no idea who I really am.  Seriously.  Who am I?

I ask this question many times and wonder if anyone else does too.  It seems as if I go and do and be all of the things this life has me go and do and be and every so often I stop and wonder….who am I and what has become of Dana?

What happened to her?  Is she really this person that goes and does and be-s or has she been covered up by her responsibilities and relationships and vain imaginations?

Where would I be going and what would I be doing if I wasn’t being a pastor’s wife?

Right now I feel as if I am being covered up—disappearing.  Fading.  Clouded over with uncertainty and ambiguity and distress and people who are wacky!!  It’s as if I can see the clouds moving over me like they travel in the sky….quickly.  Deliberately.  Consciously.  Intentionally covering up blue skies and sunshine...and me.

As I stood outside Monday watching the moon move (in much the same way as the clouds I just described) over the sun I was anticipating darkness.  Expecting the light from the sun to be smothered by the moon. 

Where we live the moon covered all but a minuscule portion of the huge, massive, colossal sun.  I was surprised to see how quickly the moon moved over it….it was so cool to look up every so often and see less and less of the sun and more and more of the moon.  However, even though there was little sun left….there was still light!!  (Truthfully, I was bummed!)  I had expected to see darkness cover….after all there was hardly any sun left….so it makes sense to think there would be darkness.  But no, there was still daylight.
Just a sliver of sun dispels all darkness.

The realization overwhelmed me.  It does not take much light to overtake the dark.  Even though my life is clouded with uncertainty and there is much unclarity (apparently, according to spell check, it is not a word) and ambiguity surrounding and covering me right now….the light gives me much hope.

The complete darkness never came where I live.  But, perhaps where you live, there was complete darkness.  Perhaps the crickets began to chirp and the street lights came on and darkness settled on the day.  But it was for only a moment.  In a flash the light returned....dispelling the way to light again.
So, who am I?  I am loved, chosen, blessed, gifted, forgiven, saved, cleansed, used, created, adored, and strengthened by the God who frees me up to be all He created me to be. 

I am grateful for the light of His word that reveals this to me over and over when the darkness causes me to wonder…..who in the world am I?

“This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”  1 John 1:5

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