Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Divorce, Deception, or Death

I am always talking to ministers’ wives and asking for blog ideas.  Let’s face it there are only so many ways I can tie chocolate into ministry life.  I did have one sister share a good idea for a blog so here goes.

When you are dealing with another church with the potential of making a move, how do you feel?  This sweet sister said that with their last move she and her husband felt different emotions.  Her husband felt that it was “like a divorce or a betrayal.”  He really could not share with their current church that he was “talking” with another church.  For our sister in ministry, she said felt that they were being “deceptive.”  She also had no one to talk to other than her husband.  She added that she had to force herself to “continue blooming” where God had them planted at the time and not show that God was preparing them to be transplanted elsewhere.

When I read her message about this idea, I had to sit back and think on my own experiences.  To be honest, I had never really considered it.  I guess I was too tied up in the excitement of God working.
However, I think I would have to describe my feelings as a death.

When God moves us to a new ministry, my heart absolutely breaks with grief.  I am a pastor’s wife who strongly believes her church family is her family.  How can you not walk with people through births, baptisms, illness and death and not be emotionally attached?  For me, it is just not possible.  Having just walked though the valley of death by losing both my parents, I can honestly say that leaving a church family is like death.  I must go through the stages of grief-shock, numbness, anger, and acceptance.  The pain does subside and I soon plug in to the new ministry.  However, just as I miss my parents terribly, I miss my previous church family.  The comfort for me is in knowing that God’s plan is best and that one day I will spend eternity with all the church families we have served.

So ladies here are a couple of questions I would love for you to answer.

1.        How does your husband deal with the emotions of leaving a church and what does it feel like to him?
2.       How does leaving a church feel to you and how do you deal with the emotions?
3.       What about your children?  What are their emotions and how do you help with deal with a move?

I really would love for you to respond to these questions and have some good discussion.  I know my sister who asked for this blog idea would love to hear your responses.

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