Stressed!

I am writing this blog a few days early but I just need to share and I also need your prayers.

I do not know why I cannot listen to my own advice and relax.  Maybe it is because God made me one of those people who desire to take care of everyone else.  It is even to the point that I do not even realize when I am stressed.  Also, I can tell you that even my favorite nerve pills, Peanut M & M’s, did not help me last weekend when I had to spend several hours in ER due to extremely high blood pressure.

After the last two and half years of dealing with my terminal ill parents, I have developed an aversion to hospitals period.  Just the thought of having to go to one can make my heart race.  However, last Saturday night I needed help.  My usually normal, healthy blood pressure suddenly decided to skyrocket.  I became light-headed, and it felt like a butterfly had been set loose in my chest. After being hooked up to a heart monitor, having an EKG and CAT scan, and blood work, everything looked good.  However, my pressure was elevated.  My greatest fear was that the doctor was going to tell me “no more chocolate.”  Instead, I was sent home with instructions to see my general practitioner doctor which I did.  Thankfully the blood pressure is in a normal range most of the time. However, because my dad had heart disease, I will need to wear a Halter Monitor for twenty-four hours.

Saying all of this, do you know what both the ER doctor and my family doctor believe my problem to be?  STRESS! I cannot believe that I have any stress in my life.  Well, I do try to keep up with the household chores, serve on our state ministers’ wives team, lead our association ministers’ wives fellowship, worry over my grown children, and babysit my two-year grandson.  Of course, I have responsibilities at church from choir to women’s ministry.  In addition, I do live with the pastor of the church.  Okay, so maybe I do have some stress.

God has a way to getting us to listen and He clearly says to “Be Still” in His word.  On Sunday morning after my night in the ER, I went to Sunday School and our lesson was on caregivers.  As many of you know I helped care for my ill parents for two years before they both passed away.  That morning a woman shared her experience of caring for her totally paralyzed sister for five years.  It has now been about three years since her loved one died, but stress finally hit her.  As she shared her story, it was like God was speaking directly to me saying, “See, you haven’t slowed down. You simply buried both your parents and then kept going on.  It is okay to cry, scream, laugh, feel relief, and take care of yourself.” 

As ministers’ wives we are often too busy to truly feel the stress of our role.  If you are a caregiver as I was, life passes you by.  I feel like I have missed so much of my own personal life that I am trying to make up for lost time.  When the ER doctor said the word “stress,” I started crying.  Even now as I write this blog, tears are forming in my eyes.  Stress is very real and very harmful to our health.  It will catch up with us.

As I monitor my blood pressure this week and receive the results from the heart monitor, I covet your prayers.  Heart disease and high blood pressure runs in my family so I want to be sure everything checks out fine.  If it is stress as the doctors believe, I ask that you pray for me to learn to relax daily. Personally, I would really love for the word “stressed” to be read backwards as “desserts” so I can just have a party.