Wednesday, January 25, 2017

When I Realized I Could Not See

My husband has really, really, REALLY poor vision.  He must wear contacts or glasses in order to ‘see’….and he does!  He has worn glasses or contacts ever since he was in 5th grade.  Without them, his eyesight is terrible.  His glasses literally fit the ‘thick as a coke bottle’ category.  We are super grateful for glasses because, without them, he would not be able to see at all.

I also wear contacts and/or glasses.  My poor eyesight, unlike my husbands, didn’t start until I was in my 40’s….up to that point I could see whatever I wanted to see without the help of any lenses.

Can you imagine walking around with poor vision without contacts or glasses?  I’m pretty sure many of you know exactly what that would be like because you, too, need contacts or glasses.  Nothing would be in focus.  What you think is one thing is really something else.  Watching television or reading a book or driving a car would be impossible.

However….once the glasses or contacts go in…things are much clearer!!  Colors are vivid and words legible and lines on the roads are easy to stay between.  We are super glad we can see with the help of contacts and/or glasses!!

Or do we?

Last week my husband had eye surgery on his left eye and tomorrow he will have the same procedure done on his right eye.  It’s what old people do….they have cataract surgery.  My dad did.  Lots of senior adults throughout our ministry have.  Like I said, it’s what old people do.  What I didn’t know is that the doctor can put a lens in your eye so that you can see perfectly!!  See perfectly without glasses and/or contacts!!!  What in the world???  Why is it that just old people can get this thing done??? 

Today….he can see out of his left eye….perfectly!  Perfectly!  20/20 vision!!  Better than he ever saw with his glasses or contacts!  He commented that the red in my red and black flannel shirt that I wear extensively during the winter months was SO.RED!!!  Something he had seen many times didn’t look like he thought it did.

Here’s what God is teaching me.  I think I ‘see’ fine.  I think I see what is happening around me.  I think I see what is going on in the heart of my husband.  I think I see what is going on in my children’s lives.  I think I see what God is doing in my heart.  I think I see God.  I think I see what He is doing in His word.  I think I see exactly what needs to be done in this situation.  I think I see exactly what ‘they’ need to do.  I could go on and on.

But the truth is…..I don’t see at all.  I have the vision of a sinner.  Blinded by my selfishness.  Blinded by my sin.  Blinded by my perspectives and paradigms.  Blinded by my desires and wants.  Blinded by the enemy.  Blind.  Blind from birth just like the blind man in Matthew 20:29-34. 

The difference between me and the blind man is that he knew he was blind and could not see….and I have deluded myself to think I can see but I am truly blind.

I’m grateful for this revelation because it is only when I know I am blind that I will cry out “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

It is only when I cry out to the Lord that He says to me, “What do you want me to do for you?”

It is then that I cry out, “I want to see!!

I want to see You.

I want to see You at work.

I want to see Your glory in the midst of pain and trials and suffering.

I want to see Your Hand protecting.

I want to see Truth.

I want to see me the way You see me.

I want to see the situation the way You see it.

I want to see Your power.

I want to see people the way You see people.

I want to see just what You want me to see and nothing else.

Forgive me for thinking I could see….when I really was blind.

What about you?  What is it you think you ‘see’ when, just perhaps, you don’t ‘see’ at all?  What do you want to see?  He continues to ask the same question He asked the blind man, "What do you want me to do?"

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