Thursday, December 10, 2009


Did you know that pastor’s wives have secrets? Are you shocked? If you are a pastor’s wife….more than likely you are probably not shocked!

During the 30-something years that my husband has been in full-time ministry, many pastor’s wives have shared their secrets with me….and, admittedly, I have had my own share of secrets. Why? Why do we have secrets? What is a secret? By definition it means, “Done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of others. Something that is or is kept secret, hidden, or concealed.”

Some of the secrets we have “done” or “kept hidden” are sins….and they are definitely NOT hidden from God! You know that He is well aware of them and we must run to Him in desperation for forgiveness and restoration. And restored we are… His grace!

Some of the secrets we have “concealed” are not sins we have committed but are painful, agonizing, hurtful and upsetting experiences. Fearful for others to know, we hide them deep within our hearts and minds.

I have a dear friend (a pastor’s wife) who, for months, took care of their adult son in their home until he died of AIDS. Not one person at their church ever knew why he was sick. Why could she not tell them?

A young pastor’s wife from another town called me one Monday morning a few years ago telling me that she and her husband were divorced. Her husband (the youth pastor) encouraged her to have an affair. They were bankrupt. No one at their church knew any of this.

A beautiful, young pastor’s wife shared with me that her husband was involved in and addicted to pornography.

After a session where I was speaking A mother shared with me the emotional abuse she received from her pastor husband. There was no love in the home and she was full of bitterness.

One was physically and emotionally abused by a family member. Another was not walking with or loving Jesus. Still another hated being a pastor’s wife. One wished her husband would take another job. Do anything--wash dishes at the local restaurant--but don't work in the Church.

Many resent the time their husband spend at church. Some have children who are involved in drugs, alcohol or in same-sex relationships.

My friend…I share all of this with you not to shock you or cause you to feel despair and sadness…but to say if you are in one of these situations….you are not alone. And please, do not keep it a secret any longer. Psalm 44:21 says "Would God not find this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart." Please ask God to provide you with Godly council. A Godly woman you can trust to pray with you…for you. Seek council. Run to it.

If you do not or have not struggled with secret sins or experiences, praise God right now! Fall down before Him in gratitude and love....ask Him to protect you from the evil one who would want to defeat and destroy you and your family and your church.

Let us not be condemning or critical....let us help others bring to light that which the enemy would want to keep hidden. Perhaps that is why we keep secrets....the Church, who are to be the most forgiving and loving and merciful of all people....are condeming and critical. Sister, let's not be guilty of that....but model the forgiveness and love and mercy Jesus will empower us to lavish upon those who desperately need/seek it.

Blessings to you my sister!

1 comment:

Pat said...

Thanks for bringing this subject into the light, Dana. I know many are hurting in this manner. I heard a pastor make a statement Wednesday night on this subject, that is so true. I had just never heard it put in such a simple statement. His statement was; "The church is the only army that shoots its wounded." Unfortunately, I have to agree and that is the main reason those secrets are kept.