Monday, October 24, 2011

A Different Blessing

In my mind I have started this blog a thousand times and a thousand different ways.

I was so looking forward to sharing my good news with you this week. I was excited about sharing the blessing that God had given us. By now, you've notice my use of past tense verbs, and are assuming that my news is no longer happy and the blessing is, well, different.

Yesterday I would have been nine weeks pregnant. Wally and I were excited to announce that Vinson Baby #3 was on its way. Then, last Monday began one of the longest weeks of my life. At nearly midnight, the OBGYN on call at Gateway Hospital here in Clarksville confirmed what we had spent the previous 24 hours fearing. The baby was gone.

Friends and family have stepped up and ministered to us. The church and the association, (where Wally works) are still patient and understanding. God has shown me numerous verses and has gently reminded me of His presence reassuring me that He is indeed in control.

Thankfully my body is healing, but my heart is still aching.

I walked through Wal-Mart Saturday afternoon and wondered how many other people were hurting on the inside as I was. I wondered how many others were walking around feeling as badly or even worse than me but were able to hide it even better than I could.

I have hope. I have Christ. I know the truth of God's word that makes my loss bearable. But how many are out there that don't have Him for their hope and don't know the truth of His word?

For awhile, I think I will have more patience with that complete stranger who seems so inconsiderate. Only God knows what is going on in her heart or in his life.

This is just one of the different, unexpected blessings I am experiencing this week.


Kathy Britton said...

My heart goes out to you. Twenty three years ago, I lost my baby of 14 weeks. There is NO WAY to describe the hurt and loss unless you have been there. I had to have a DNC afterwards and the doctor that did my DNC, left and went and delivered my niece. THAT WAS HARD!! Because I experienced this, I have been able to minister to other moms that are going through it. Someone told me once....and I tend to believe many ways, a miscarriage is harder than a still born....because with a still born you are allowed to grieve and allowed to have a funeral. With a one wants to talk about it. Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. One day, you and I will get to heaven and will see our babies playing together.

Sara said...

Praying for you.

Lana said...

Tara, so sorry to hear of your loss. Know that you are in my prayers.

Vickie said...

I cannot begin to imagine the deep hurt you are experiencing. I do know the feeling of the "not knowing" if you will ever have a child or if the child you are carrying will be ok. While carrying our second child, the doctor feels that I lost possibly a twin but we will never know until heaven. Thankfully, God allowed us to have both our sons who have been a blessing to us.
Tara, you are loved and I will pray for you my dear sweet sister.

Becky said...

I too like Kathy have been where you are. After losing our first child the doctor told us that we would probably never have children. Thankfully, doctors do not know everything. Our case of the flu (sweet daughter) will be 27 on Monday. It is a very hard thing to go through but God will use you to minister to other couples who suffer this great loss. Please know that you are in my thought and prayers and I am very sorry that you are having to go through this.

Dana said...

Tara....thank you for sharing this with us....we want to help carry your burden. Psalm 94:17-19 has been an encouragement to me during difficult times...praying for you and your family!

Pat said...

Tara, my heart breaks with you and Wally as you walk through this time. We,ve been there too and I'm praying God wraps His arms around you and loves you through this. Know that I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone who's "been there". Love you and praying for you!

Tara said...

Thank you Ladies for all your prayers and sweet words!

Wendy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I cried as I read your blog. We too have been there numerous times. It is hard and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my babies. But yes, we do have hope. We have Christ to lean on. We are praying for you now and in the months to come.