Advice Needed!

Phew!  I have finally been able to stay at home for the last two weeks and I am trying to rest up.  See, I have been on a “lovely” vacation for the past seven weeks.  I have run up and down the interstate seeing the scenery of farm land, rivers, and various creatures of the wild.  The accommodations had been interesting and the service fair.  Almost hourly someone knocks on the door and brings “delicious” meals and ask if there is anything they can do for you. There is always family and friends to fellowship with.

Okay, I am being sarcastic.  My summer vacation began Memorial Day weekend when my recently widowed father entered the hospital with acute pneumonia.  My brother and I have tagged teamed  each other making sure one of us was close by to talk with doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals.  Believe me, this is not what I call a vacation.

If you have an aging parent and have dealt with the issues and stresses involved in the care of them, I could use your advice.  How do you keep it together emotionally and mentally as you deal with the constant ups and downs of your parent’s health?   As a minister’s wife, how do you manage to stay in touch with your congregation and still feel like you are a part of the church family?  How do you manage to encourage and support your minister husband when you cannot be there?  How do you manage to take care of yourself?

Two weeks ago I was able to finally check my dad out of the hospital.  My brother and I made the decision to temporarily move Dad to a skilled nursing rehab center which is only ten minutes from my brother.  This has allowed us to get a little rest and we actually have felt the stress leaving us.  This move is not the final one.  We still have major decisions to make, hurdles to climb, and paperwork to complete.  However, my brother and I are finally able to start having time with our families. 

Through my mom’s illness and death and now the issues that Dad has, I have discovered I am a lot stronger than I imagined.  God has been leading my family through a desert complete with trials.  Some days I feel like the Israelites whining “why me?”  Other days I can feel God’s presence so much that it takes my breath away.

I do not have a lot of expert advice but I can share what I have learned during this desert walk:

*If you are away from home, talk to your family daily.  When you are home try to have a normal life (LOL!  Ministry normal? Never).

*Take time for yourself even if it is to walk outside of the hospital or away from the patient for five minutes of fresh air.

*Attempt to eat some fruit and veggies (and dark chocolate).  Unfortunately, fast food is sometimes all you get.

*Sleep, sleep, sleep!

*Realize your stress level and walk away when necessary.

*Realize a parent will be frustrated because they have to rely on you.  Let them know it is okay.

*Find something/someone who can make you laugh and do it.  Laughter is a good stress buster.

*If you feel things are not being communicated well or that your parent is not receiving great care, make your voice heard.  Visit with the case worker, nurse, doctor, etc.

*Find a moment to compliment the nurse, doctor, or other care givers who go the extra mile in caring for your parent.  For example, Dad’s drug tech sweet smile always made his day brighter. 

If you are dealing with an ill or again parent I hope some of these ideas help you.  Again, I ask if you have some advice on this matter, I would love for you to share with me and the others who may be walking this road as well.

                  

Divine Surgery

^{GOD is soooooooo GOOD!}  

^{I mentioned a few days ago in my blog that my family and I were attending a conference this week, our yearly get-away for spiritual rejuvenation.   Well, once again the Lord spoke to my heart, and as always I returned home with a new perspective on ministry and a new appreciation for my Savior.}

^{My dear sisters, I believe that sometimes my greatest roadblock to hearing clearly from the Lord is myself.  Do you feel that way too?  This past week at our conference, I was forced to look within  and allow the Lord to perform “divine surgery”,  to show me things in my heart and my mind that needed to be removed, things that were getting in the way of me being totally focused and in tune with what God wants to do in my life.  Just as physical surgery can be painful, spiritual surgery can be painful as well; we can become very comfortable in our ways and thought patterns.  Just knowing that we must change can be very uncomfortable!}

^{Through worship, prayer, speakers/teachers, and other sisters in Christ, the Lord helped me to see how I can be more of an obedient daughter to Him, to better serve Him and His people.  The Lord spoke to me in many ways, but I want to share two things with you:}

1. ^{I can trust the Lord to be faithful to His Word and His promises.   This is something I already knew, but I believe that the Lord wanted me to have an even deeper understanding of how He can be trusted with ALL areas of my life.  Sometimes I try to handle things myself; I need to get out of the way and let God do His work!  Also, His Word stands forever! I can count on the fact that He WILL faithfully perform every promise!} 
2.   ^{It is very important to disciple others and help them grow.   For the past few years the Lord has allowed me to mentor/disciple others, and I love being involved in such a wonderful  process.  His Spirit further encouraged me that as we are intentional about helping others grow in Christ, those we help will in turn help others, and they will help others, and so on.   We can be used by our Savior to help advance His kingdom here on earth…..how awesome to be a part of that!}  

^{Ladies, thank the Lord when He performs His divine surgery on us.  The cutting process may not be pleasant, but the healing draws us closer to Him, so that we may be in His perfect will.   God knows what He wants to do in our lives….let our Savior have His way!}

^{“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11}

A Wonderful Family Conference

As many of you know, pastors and their families need to get away at times to rest, relax, and revive.  Of course, all families need some much needed time away; due to the nature of the Lord’s calling on a pastor and his family, getting away sometimes requires going to a restful place to be revived spiritually.  Our family has found a way to do just that.

About seven years ago we were introduced to a family leadership conference held once a year in North Carolina that has become an annual ritual for our family.  We mark our calendar for the last week in July (we are there this week!), making sure to set aside this block of time to soak in all the activities this conference has to offer.  We are blessed by workshops, morning Bible exposition, afternoon preaching, and an awesome praise and worship service each night.  There are several other activities as well, and we do not spend all of our time in a class or worship setting; there is plenty of time for family fun and rest as well.  Also, those of us who are pastors’ and ministers’ wives have workshops just to address our needs, and we get ministered to at a very nice luncheon each year!

It truly has become a highlight of our summer, and the beauty of it all is that the whole family gets spiritually refreshed; they have childcare for children aged pre-school and younger, day camp for older kids, and even the teens have their own youth meetings and worship.   Also, over the years we have met many kind and godly people from all over the country; we get to enjoy seeing them again and rekindling friendships.

I always go away praying that the Lord will truly speak to my heart at this conference every year, and He has not disappointed me.    My husband and I come back energized, ready to continue on in the work of serving the Lord and His people.  We don’t have to feel “guilty” about getting away; our Savior encouraged it when He said, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.”  Mark 6:31

**If you are a pastor’s or minister’s wife, I would love to hear about ways you and your family unwind to reenergize your service to the Lord.    Feel free to share your experiences…….we need to encourage one another!

What’s On Your Mind?

^{Ladies, do you sometimes find yourselves trying not to think about something, but your mind keeps dwelling on the very thing (whatever it is) anyway?   Do you try in vain to redirect your thoughts away from an issue, but your mind becomes consumed by it?}

^{This has happened to me many times, and it gets to be very frustrating to say the least!  Sometimes I believe the Lord would have us to deeply ponder an issue, such as a decision to take a new job, make a financial investment, go back to school, start a business, accept a leadership role in a ministry, etc.   Things such as these should be considered very carefully and prayerfully.  Yet at times, we may have things to come into our minds that rob us of joy, interrupt our peace, or seriously hinder us from being effective servants of the Lord.}

^{We all have had troublesome thoughts to overtake us; when that happens, what do we do?  A wonderful place to go to get relief from persistent, nagging thoughts is Philippians 4:8.  “Finally,  brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable,--if anything is  excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”}

^{If we think on these things, then it leaves no room for whatever is untrue, whatever is ignoble, whatever is wrong, whatever is impure, whatever is unlovely, whatever is not to be admired, whatever is not excellent or not worthy of praise.  By the power of the Holy Spirit we can transform what we think about, and what we allow to fill our minds.}

 ^{It’s really awesome, that when I think about all of these wonderful attributes in Philippians 4:8, there is only One who fits every one perfectly, the Lord Jesus Christ!!  So the next time your thought life goes haywire, think about Our Savior who has authority over all things.  Remember the apostle Paul’s instruction in 2 Corinthians 10: 5, “……we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”    Everything has to bow to the lordship of Christ….even our thoughts!    Now that’s something to think about!}

Come Soon King Jesus!

Ladies, I have no words after hearing this morning's news.

I had met a dear friend early to "get our walk on" and exercise. When I got home, my husband asked if I had heard.

Not Timothy McVeigh in Oklahoma or Christian teens targeted at Columbine, thankfully not another September 11th, but another day that I will never forget where I was when I heard of the gun man in the movie theater.

Praise God! He is still on His throne. Haste the day that Jesus returns on a white horse setting us free from this sinful, evil, dark and dying world!

This morning I was reminded once again that this is not home.

Come soon King Jesus! Come soon!

Different Rules or Higher Standard?

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed earlier this week and read something that made me pause. In between the pics of cute kittens and the status updates complaining of the weather, there was a post from a minister's wife that caught my attention, in a negative way.

If you are on Facebook, you may be like me and come to expect certain posts from certain people. I have "friended" people from high school and college. Not every one's social, political and even theological views are like mine. Students and former students from the various churches we have served are my Facebook friends too. I come across a variety of opinions, videos and ideas that do not begin to honor God. So, it takes a lot to get my attention and truly make me feel sad.

You see, this young minister's wife crossed "the line." You know "the line" I am talking about. The one that as a minister's wife separates you from everyone else. The one that when crossed, everyone seems to gasp and say, "She didn't!"

Her post was vague. She didn't name any specific name. Yet, she made it clear that she was feeling she had been wronged by someone in her church. She felt unappreciated for volunteer work. She wanted some acknowledgment. She needed to vent.

No doubt, if you have been married to your minister for very long, you can relate.

Ladies, the Internet is no place for this.

It may be fine for others to use the Internet and Facbook in this manner. But as a Christ-follower (notice I didn't say as a minister's wife!) everything we say, do and type, represents Jesus and His Bride, the church.

Somehow, if another Christian had written this, I might not have been too surprised or as disappointed. But, I confess, coming from another minister's wife, I was both surprised and disappointed. Maybe I do hold our sisterhood to a different set of rules. I guess I just feel like we should know better.

I am praying through how I should reach out to this sister. We are not close, only having met once or twice, but it is obvious she needs some support.

Whether it is fair or not, what do you think? Do we, as minister's wives have a different set of unwritten rules we should follow? Is there a higher standard? Do we place it on ourselves or do we allow others to put it on us? If so, what is it? What are those pesky rules?

Alone Together

God has gently been pointing out that all the goings on in my life aren't really all about me. Yes, they are about Him, but not just about what He is doing in my life. It is also about what He is doing in the lives of those around me, those I love.

Lemme see if I can explain . . .

I pray daily for my oldest daughter, Riley. She is nine years old and has been a Christian nearly three of those years. I have diligently asked God to draw her closer to Himself and deepen her love for Him.

God has been answering those prayers this summer. She visited my mom, her grammie, for a week in Ohio and suffered from some pretty serious home sickness. The child my mother described in my absence sounded like someone else's kid, not mine. It was hard to watch her go through this, but she learned so much about prayer and began to develop very real ways to call upon HER Savior.

God was/is sanctifying her. Her homesickness, her situation was not about me.

Lemme try again . . .

My husband is a spiritual giant to me. I look up to him in so many ways and pray for him all the time. Most of the time it is easy to submit to his leadership because of the tender ways he loves and leads me.

That said, it is hard for me to watch him struggle through faith issues. This is a VERY busy week for him, maybe the busiest of his year. This is also the week the winds caused damage to the old, tall trees in our yard and the roof began to demand attention with the huge hole in the ceiling of our three year-old's room. It literally is one of those, "if it rains, it storms" kind of times for him.

As I've prayed throughthe timing of all this, I know God does have lessons to teach me through our circumstances, but I really think it is my husband He is speaking to this time. He needed the reminder of Who is in charge and that He will provide for us. God is sanctifying him.

I have looked at these situations and thought, "What in the world are You doing, God?!" Then, He ever so softly impressed upon me that everything in my life isn't about me. He is graciously answering my prayers as He uses these circumstances and others to make those I love more like Himself.

He is at work in more than just my life right now. He is at work in their's too.

I needed this reminder that we are all on our own journeys together to be more like Him.

Do you know what I mean?

I am SO glad that God is SO much bigger than me!

Church During Solitude?

It never occurred to me that I wouldn't/couldn't/didn’t have to…..go to church during my week of solitude!!  That is, until Bubba came!  Bubba, a pastor from Texas (that just sounds like a good Texas name doesn’t it!!), came a few months ago to lead our church in a spiritual growth conference which went from Sunday through Wednesday.  He stayed in our home and we had sweet time with him—it was especially special for my husband since Bubba had been a lay person in the very first church we served and it has been such a blessing to see how God has raised him up to become a Godly pastor.

His wife was the first friend I had after marrying a minister and moving to a church and even though we never get to see each other any more—we remain close and love each other very much.  I was sad she was not able to come for the conference.

Anyway…..Beth did not go to church while Bubba was here!!  What?  That is “allowed”?  Shocker!  Awesome!!  Way to go Beth!!  She and God had a precious time that morning and it did not involve people.  They have had a rough year with their church and it was refreshing for her to not be there.  Sad.  True.  People in church can be mean.

So…..fast forward to my week of solitude.  Sunday comes…..and I wonder…..can I do what Beth did?  Can I not go to church too?  Honestly, it sounded dreamy…..and that sounds pathetic doesn’t it?  To not go to church and not feel guilty about it.  To not have to make up some excuse why you can't go.  (I confess, there have been times I have done that!!!)  Would anyone even call to see why I wasn't there?  Did anyone call Beth and ask her??  Tell her she was missed and really mean it?

Bottom line—no, I would not/could not not go to church!  I am committed to teach a precious group of women that I love.  I needed corporate worship.  I needed people.  It had been six days of solitude by then and I needed/wanted fellowship.  I was desperate for encouragement (but actually got some very discouraging news).  A hug (which I got from a precious woman!).  (By the way, which is worse, that I did not want to reach out to anyone that week or that no one wanted to reach out to me that week?).

What do you normally do (or want to do) when your husband is out of town on a Sunday? 

Blessings to you today as you seek Him for your fulfillment!!  Sometimes Monday's are hard for ministers and wives!!  I am praying for you!

True Confessions from a Week of Solitude

So…..during my week of solitude I learned a lot of things….the first one being that without having to deal with people—I sin a lot less!!  Hummm…..does that sound crazy?  I shared a little of this with the ladies in my Sunday school class this past week and I got a lot of funny looks!!  Surely, you, a fellow ministers wife understand what I am saying, don’t you? 

It is all of those people in my life that make me sin!!  Right?  J  If it weren’t for all of those people, I’d sin a lot less!!  Sure, I would still sin….but people are instigators of it!!  Right?  J  If people were more like me/us…..life would be a lot easier.  Right?  J 

One of those people who gives me lots of opportunities to sin is my husband!  However, while he was away ministering in a third world country, I was so very kind and loving to him the few times I was able to talk to him on the phone.  My attitude was positive and not negative.  I was attentive to his every word and focused on what he was doing and where he was going.  There was no resentfulness on my part that he was never home and I was not upset with him for not noticing the fun green trim I had put on the lamp shades! 

Unlike some weeks, there were no vain imaginations about wondering if I married the right guy because this one does not care if the grass is a little long or brown with drought or if the trash is over-flowing.  I did not get upset or angry or defensive or pout over important things like an empty toilet paper roll (why in the world does he not put a new roll on the holder???  It does not take an engineer!!  Oops, sorry….), I was not frustrated with him for not listening to his voice mail messages, or chewing ice.

God convicted me big time!!  He showed me that I had begun to be defensive and resentful and unkind and unthoughtful and critical toward my precious, handsome, Godly man.  The man who God gave me because He knew exactly what I needed!!  The enemy had been successful in distracting me from the good qualities he has and pointed my mind towards his every flaw—while totally avoiding my own flaws!!!

I welcomed my husband home with open arms and a thankful heart—grateful for the time I had in solitude—and more even more grateful that he is home!! 

A Week of Solitude

My husband just returned home late last night from a mission trip to the Dominican Republic with a group from our church.  I did not go and, admittedly, I looked forward to having eight days of solitude….eight days of doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it with whoever I wanted to do it with!!  How does that sound to you?  Dreamy?  Selfish?  Lonesome?  Awesome?  For me, it was all of the above!!

I prayed for several days before my week of solitude that I would use the time wisely….that I would not waste any of it.  I longed to sit at Jesus’ feet and spend time hearing from Him and worshipping Him.  I am soooo thankful that He and I did just that!  We spent so much time together talking, crying, reading, writing and worshipping.  I will be forever grateful for that time.

The only personal contact I had with people was at work and restaurants and shops!!  Well, actually, there was one lady who had not been to church in a while and we had talked about getting together for lunch sometime…..so I did reach out to her!  Other than that, I had no conversation with anyone!!  I ate out.  I shopped.  I worked.  I read.  I did DYI projects at the house.  Like I said earlier…..whatever I wanted to do!!

Solitude.  Needed. Beautiful.  Precious!!  I started a Bible study—one that would normally be done with a group—and I am doing it alone.  It was sweet time.  It was much needed time.  I began the week feeling fearful and anxious about some things that are going on—ended the week hearing some news that confirmed my fears and anxious thoughts—and that yukky feeling in my stomach came and I felt sick....then, after taking my eyes and mind off of the situation, the Lord gave me such peace and assurance.  I know it was a direct result of spending time with Him….saturating my mind with Truth.

Solitude--I highly recommend it!!

On a side note—do you think it is weird, sad, wrong, unusual, OK, freeing, _________ (fill in the blank) to have gone through an entire week with no contact with anyone from church?  Just wondering…..

Pastor's Wife, Thanks for Being There

Post from Randy Davis, Executive Director, Tennessee Baptist Convention:


Pastor, Thanks for Being There
by Randy C. Davis

Noah and Nate were best friends. By all accounts, the two boys were inseparable. They went to school and church together. On the 4th of July, they went to Cherokee Lake together, and Noah, age 10, and Nate, age 11, lost their lives together because of a tragic accident on that outing. Sunday night at first Baptist Church of Morristown, these two friends had their funerals…together.

The boys’ families were active members at First Baptist, Morristown. Noah’s mom, Jessica, served on staff at this great East Tennessee church. For days, like many of you, I have been heartsick for these families. Because of pastoring there for nine years, I know many of the people who were involved. I have also been painfully aware of the difficult and hard journey that Pastor Dean Haun, Children’s Pastor, Tim Thompson, and Pastor of Care, Danny Georges, and others would be making with these two precious families.

In 2010, I wrote about these kinds of days the shepherd would experience in I Am a Pastor:
“At times, it is hard to be a shepherd. That is not an objection—just an observation. For you see, the Pastor is well acquainted with a dark, dangerous and deserted place called the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Walking through this horrible enemy territory will break your heart, but time and time again you do it, never getting used to it. My flock, every single one of them, will go through—indeed must go through—this part of the journey. Along the tear-stained trail, we will see a flag-draped coffin of a soldier son’s sacrifice. We will hear a little boy ask about the next coffin, ‘Why is Grandmamma in that treasure box?’ And we see far too many times the long-stemmed roses longer than the baby’s bassinet crafted for burial. This walk I take too, for you see, I am a Pastor.”

“Being there” is what a pastor does. He shepherds the flock. Going into the darkest of nights with your church family adds credibility and authenticity to what you do behind the pulpit. In most churches, the descriptor of your role is not preacher or teacher or Ecclesiastical CEO; it’s “pastor.” Most of our people will forget most all the sermons we preach. They never forget their pastor being there.

So to all of you who tend the sheep on behalf of the greatest Shepherd, thank you for practicing the power of presence…thank you for being there.

Ladies, and who stands beside the Pastor? The Pastor's Wife. Thanks to you, ladies, for also practicing the power of presence...thank you for being there also.

Just for Fun

The women’s ministry at our church is hosting a salad dinner at the end of July.  The theme for the event is “Visiting with Vickie.”  With all the running back and forth that I have done since we began our ministry here in January, I have not had an opportunity to meet all the ladies nor do the ladies know me.  For instance, I recently sat at a table with an older lady and we began talking.  I introduced myself and she said, “Oh, I was coming to the women’s event because I wanted to meet our new pastor’s wife.”  Now, this is really sad, because I am a very involved pastor’s wife and love to fellowship with the congregation. 

Because “Visiting with Vickie” will be an interview format like what you may see on a television program, I have been asked to submit a few questions to help get the question time going.  (I actually think the women’s team is setting up like the set of The View).  So girlfriends, I need your help.  What should I tell these ladies about me?  I am looking for fun questions, and of course, some serious ones.  Some of you who know me personally and know some things I have done, go easy on me.  The whole point of me asking for your advice is that I want the ladies of the church to see me as real.  I want them to know what makes me tick. 

So come on crazy friends and send some questions my way. 

               

Treasure vs Junk

If you are in the midst of a move or if you have moved in the past, you realize like my husband and I have that you have a bunch of junk you have collected over the years.  Even with our sons married and out of the house, we are still carrying their “treasures” around with us.  Although I have not had time to go through the boxes and unpack fully because of family health issues, I have discovered a few treasures and a bunch of junk in the boxes.

Some of the boxes that have been opened, my husband and I both look at each other and comment, “Attic.”  I have opened at few boxes, make an assessment of the contents, then close them back up and write “Goodwill” on the lid.  Yep, it is junk to me but it might be a treasure to someone else.  However, a couple of boxes have held some precious treasures. 

I opened a box and discovered some loose photos.  Snap shots of lost teeth, first baseball trophy, or a shot of the boys with their pals-treasures.  Also, among the photos were little cards the boys made in school for me for Mother’s Day and pictures they had created-treasures.  Looking at all of those items made me smile and brought back so many sweet memories.

I wonder what kind of treasures or junk we are collecting for the Lord.  We think that if we work hard in the church we will earn brownie points.  Mission trips surely earn favor from the Lord.  As a minister’s wife, we should certainly please the Lord because we are “serving” Him.  Oh yeah, let’s don’t forget about nursery duty.  Now, that is worth a lot of points in heaven.

Well somehow I don’t think God will accept our efforts as worthy.  Sure, we do work hard for the kingdom but do we always do it for the right reasons?  For example, I sometime begrudge having to attend another meeting or take my time in the nursery.  My attitude stinks when I dread serving and as a result I am storing away junk for the Lord.

In order for us to have treasures for the Lord, our attitudes must be right.  We can evangelize all day along but if our heart is not right our efforts become junk.  We can claim to love someone but have a falling out with a family member and everything we have done becomes junk.

I learned a long time ago that I can do all these neat things for the Lord but have a stinky attitude that causes all the good to be thrown in the junk pile.  It is my prayer that when God welcomes me to heaven and looks at the “gifts” I bring that He will “oo and aww” over them like they are priceless treasures.  Isn’t the most priceless treasure a soul added to God’s kingdom?

In the Midst of the Madness

As ministers wives our lives are crazy.  We manage the home and care of our husbands and children but it does not stop there.  We also hold the position of minister wife at church, and if you are like me, you are probably involved in some aspect of the church whether it is a choir member or a nursery worker.   Honestly, the normal stress we are under can make the devout good nutrition junkie fall off the wagon and drown in a chocolate sea. 

The last few months have been unbelievable.  When I tell people what has taken place, they just stand back and say “and you’re not on Prozac?”  Chocolate, yes; Prozac, no.  As I have said before in a previous post, I am still standing because of the great God we serve.

Although the madness is still coming at me, I have had a few brief moments to look back over the past few months and see where God designed “Lulu Moments” for me.  (A Lulu is a surprise gift, spending time with other ministers wives, a card from a friend, etc).  Here’s my list:

                September 2011-God begins to call us to another ministry

                October 2011-A much needed vacation to the Smokies

                November 2011-The wedding of our youngest son to his beautiful bride

                December 2011-Celebrate Christmas with family

                January 2012-Learn we are to be grandparents

                April 2012-Our Tennessee home gets a contract

                May 2012-We close on our house in TN and purchase a home in AR (in the same week)

                Throughout this period of time, I have received cards, emails, phone calls, and yes, chocolate.

               

In the midst of the madness when life became so unbearable with sadness and grief, God reached down and hugged me through these simple acts.  They may not seem like much to the average person or even you, but to me, a pastor’s wife, I sometimes need a visible sign that God is still in control.

Today girlfriends, I am asking you to share with fellow sisters how God has provided a hug for you in the midst of the madness.