Daddy's Girl

I honestly don’t know where to start….or when to stop….over the past few weeks I have heard terrible news, had to make difficult choices regarding priorities, received much grace, laughed out loud and cried softly.

I arrived in southern California on April 3^rd to spend a couple of weeks with my fun, full of life, cranky dad who does not have a personal relationship with my Jesus.  He picked me up at the San Diego airport and drove me down the very busy and congested I-5 freeway to his one-bedroom apartment in what he affectionately refers to as the “old folk’s home” that I moved him in to last July.  We spent a couple of days doing what we love to do…drive his hot red convertible sports car (which he bought not too long after my mom died seven years ago to ‘pick up chicks’!), walk in the sunshine and eat fish tacos.

Two days after I arrived he began having odd ‘episodes’; began to have much difficulty speaking and lost use of his right arm and hand.  We discovered he has three masses in his brain—one quite large—and another tumor in his lung.  We are in the process of determining diagnosis and prognosis.  We are having precious times laughing and crying.  He is an emotional guy….and ‘tears up’ unexpectedly. 

Over the years I often wondered what it would be like when my healthy, strong, independent dad would need help doing the simplest of tasks.  Honestly, I could not image doing such things as drying him off after a shower, putting on his deodorant, cleaning his false teeth (or, for that matter, seeing him without his teeth!), wiping the drool from his mouth and so on.  After experiencing all of those things (and much more) I can truthfully tell you, it has been a joy, a privilege and an honor! 

My dad says “Jesus”, “God Almighty”, and “Lord” quite often....but not in faith or trust but in vain.  He uses His name in disgust and in frustration…and it hurts my heart.  Each time he does that I am learning to pray for his heart to use those words in faith instead of disgust.

Oh how I love my daddy…..and I hate to see him facing the end of his life without my Jesus.  I think I might have given up hope that he will ever know Jesus….Forgive me Lord!!