What is Next?

Wow!  It has been nearly four months since I have written/posted.  I’m pretty sure I have been fired….and deservedly so.  Every time it has been ‘my turn’ to write….I had nothing to say.  Or at least that is what I told myself.  Perhaps the real truth is I had plenty to say….I just didn’t know how to say (write) it.  Or I had plenty to say but I simply did not think anyone cared to hear (read) what I had to say.  Or I had much to say but did God really want me to say it?  Or I just didn’t want to write?  Regardless, the result was that I said nothing.  For nearly four months.

Today I have much to say but the same thoughts as above haunt me now….along with many others.  Where to start?  How to finish well (just in case I am fired)? 

Maybe I will start with how to finish well.  That has been a statement I have said out loud to my husband a lot these past few weeks.  You see, a few weeks ago he told our church that he was ‘retiring’ at the end of December.  What in the world???  ‘Retiring’?  What is that?  That is for old people.  Besides that word is not even biblical! 

We have been in full time ministry for 42 years.  42 stink’n, awesome, hard, crazy, busy, amazing years.  Now what do we do?  What is “next”?  The answer?  We don’t know. 

Truly, I never thought this would ever happen.  It was not anything that was ever on our radar.  In fact, each time the topic would come up in our discussion…..the discussion would last about five minutes.  Nope, ‘retirement’ was not for us.  Ever.

But God.  We have no idea why or how or when this happened but we both agreed that it was ‘time’.  Time for us to step away from serving our current church.  Time for us to stop and seek God and see what He has for us ‘next’. 

This is so new for us.  Every time we left a church it was because God was sending us to another one.  We always have known what was ‘next’.  Not now.  We have never left a church without leaving the town so this is also new….and awesome!!  It’s so hard to leave a church you love and where you have invested blood, sweat, and tears in and then leave them to invest in strangers…who before we know it, have become ‘our people’. 

For us, for now, we have no plans to move (but God might and that’s OK)...besides, where would we go?  We determined right away, for the betterment of our church and their new pastor, we will need to find another church to go to and to serve.  How do we do that?  We have NEVER looked for a church to go to!  God has always sent us to one to serve!!  Will that change?  Probably not!  He is still in the business of sending!!

Shockingly, I am not fearful or anxious or stressed about not having a paycheck.  Crazy, I say, crazy!!  I am excited and have much peace.  Granted….that might change tomorrow because that is how the enemy works….he does not love for us to be excited and/or have peace! 

Between you and me….I can already feel and see the stress and pressure of ministry slowly seeping out of us both.  I can tell my husband has so much more freedom as he preaches since he does not have the ‘business’ or the politics of the church on his plate/mind/heart.  He can preach and teach and love people!  No finance meetings.  No personnel meetings.  No weighty meetings!  Just preaching, teaching, loving.  What a novelty! 

As much as it is true that I am super excited to see what’s ‘next’….I am also quite reflective.  Forty two years, five churches, countless people.  I have often spoken and written about my feelings of inadequacy as a pastor’s wife….and truthfully don’t often see myself as one….yet that is all I have known for the past 42 years.  As I wrote in August...who am I? 

I have also taught two Bible studies in our churches every week for forever…..now what?  Is He done with me? 

As you can see I have many questions.  Many unknowns.  Many thoughtful moments as I ponder this new season.  What I do know is that He has a plan.  He will provide.  I must trust.