Total Dependence

I consider myself a fairly independent person. I have a very difficult time accepting help from people and I would much rather do it myself than ask for help. However, as I write I am in a total dependent state, so girlfriends, I am not only speaking to you but to myself as well.

About three weeks ago I began experiencing pain in my neck, shoulder, and upper right arm. After a week I finally went to the doctor and was at first told I had a pulled muscle and pinched nerve. One round of medicine and 5 days later I was back at the doctor’s office still in pain. (You know the pain is bad when even chocolate does not make you feel some better). The doctor ordered a CT scan of my neck and they discovered I have a herniated disk in my neck along with a pinched nerve. I have been ordered not to lift, pull, or push-basically do nothing. Now, for Ms. Independent those are fighting words.

I have cried from the pain and from the inability to manage for myself. I basically can only lift things that are not heavier than five pounds. My husband just laughs and tells everyone he is carrying me on a feather pillow. I only wish it was that simple. If I need to do laundry, he has to carry the basket downstairs and then carry it back up for me. When I need to go grocery shopping, I will have to work it around his schedule (and you know what that is like when your husband is in the ministry). There have been a couple of days when I had trouble applying makeup and doing my hair. Don’t worry . . . I have not asked my husband to help with the hair and makeup. I may be dependent but I am not desperate yet.

However, I am trying to find a lesson in all this “leisure” time. Doesn’t God ask us to depend on Him? I truly have had to pray for God to help me push through the pain. I had asked Him to show me how I can still be useful when I cannot do anything. Ms. Independent has to say, “God, I can’t go through this trial without you carrying me.”

The Word tells us to cast all our cares, worries, sufferings and yes, pain on Him. God wants us to be dependent on Him because when we are weak He is strong. Maybe God is putting you through a trial right now that is teaching you to be totally dependent on Him. Let’s pray for strength, courage, stamina, and a willingness to be dependent on a Father who cares for us.