Monday, September 20, 2010

When Your Minister Husband Says " No"

Recently I was having lunch with three other ministers wives and enjoying the rare moment to share our hearts without worry. The discussion came up about business meetings. Yes sisters that dreaded event in the life of all churches where most ministers wives must "be silent in church." As we began to share our stories of how we handled business meetings and other church issues where our husbands might tell us "no," laughter took over. We all learned that sometimes our husbands say no for good reasons. To further stimulate discussion, I posted the question on the NBA Ministers Wives Facebook page and received several responses.

Before going any further I want to state up front that I and the other sisters at this lunch meeting love our husbands dearly and try very hard to be godly examples for submission. However, as we sat around the table laughing and telling our stories, I quickly discovered that my sweet sisters all share one thing in common about church issues. Well, we all would love to walk over to the person who is causing a scene or blasting our husbands . . . and just slap some sense into them. Can I get an Amen to that?

On a personal note I hate church business and any issue that arises in the church that can cause harm. Now, I am not saying that I do not care what happens in the life of the church. I just hate it because sometimes I feel passionate about an issue. However, because I want to honor my pastor husband, I will remain silent. In business sessions I usually plant myself in the back of the church or next to my fellow staff wives so we can hold one another accountable. Second, when an issue arises, I place both hands under my legs and bite my lip. Believe me, if I had my favorite nerve pills, peanut M & Ms, they would be eaten byt he handfuls. While being that submission minister wife, I am screaming my point in the my even though the only person who can hear me is God.

Another sister shared that she honors her husband's wishes about not speaking out as well. However, she believes it is unfair because she is a member too. Some of the issues that arise at church also concern her children and family. With her stomach churning this sweet sister zips her mouth and holds her breath. She sits there being her husband's personal cheering section with the satisfaction of knowing that he understands how she feels.

One sister, who admits to being strong willed, wrote that even though her husband gives her the "serious look" (we all know about that one) comments will just pop out of her mouths sometimes or she will not take her husband's godly advice. Going on she shared that once while in another country she did not follow her husband's suggestion and she walked out of "God's umbrella of protection."

On a lighter side one of my fellow staff wives told me that she is the voice of reason in their home. Although it is not in regards to business meeting, she is the "nay-sayer"-no more rehearsals, no more late nights, no more chasing rabbits and talking, no more sweets and junk food. Now ifyou knew this sister's heart you would know that she is one of the most gentle and gracious women on earth. At any rate her advice for you ladies who may be the nay-sayer in your family is to pray for the right attitude before saying no.

I would love to hear your funny stories of how you handle sitting quietly through a business meeting. I know that there are others of you who are silent in church and are trying to think happy thoughts when a crisis arises in the meeting. Please share with us. Your comments are valuable to all the other sisters out there.


Sara said...

I knew this was Vickie writing even before I read the name at the bottom. Nerve pills=M&M's too funny! Great writings yet again

Pat said...

There's only one time I can remember my husband really saying "No" to something I thought wasn't going to be handled correctly. Funds were tight and the church had been cutting back and it was time for the Golden State Missions Offering (now the Golden Offering for TN Missions). I totally support ALL our missions offerings, but I can actually see what our state offering does and needs to do on a daily basis, so it is close to my heart. I did vote against the cut, (the only one who did, I might add). I also gave my reason and assured them it was not a vote against anyone who had made that decision, just against the cut. He was very supportive of the handling of the issue. Guess 1 time isn't bad for 26 years!