Monday, June 11, 2012

Ask For It

Ladies, I was done.

Literally EVERY conversation I had with someone from church was either unveiling a new level of dysfunction within the church or rehashing the last three levels of our dysfunction. Even many of the conversations with my husband seemed to be taking their toll.

Without realizing it, I had taken on all this burden and it was really weighing me down. I was weary. I was emotional, crying real tears and leaving real worship services to pull it together in the cheerfully decorated bathroom.

I was ready to quit - if I could have figured out how!

I knew I needed to pray, to lay it all down at the cross, to trust Jesus with it, to give it to God. I know all the ways to say it, but we all know that it is far easier to say it then to do it.

I was so over everything that is going on that I truly did not know even the "pretty" way to pray - you know what I mean, saying the right words even when you don't mean them. (Notice my verb tense here! These issues are still going on.)

Yet, there were still committee meetings to attend, a VBS to prepare for, and a high school lake trip to chaperon. I had made commitments. People were counting on me and it didn't matter if I didn't "feel" it. I went through the motions, even in my quiet times.

God is so good.

He met me where I was. He challenged me to ask Him to show me where He is working. He gently persuaded me to ask Him to open my eyes so I could see what He is doing. He graciously found me as I went through the motions and patiently asked me to seek Him.

I was desperate and I did. I prayed asking Him to show me what He was doing and where He was working.  I prayed asking Him to help me focus on Him and to give me His perspective. I asked Him to provide what He knew I needed, because I couldn't ask for it myself.

There near Cadiz, Kentucky by Lake Barkley God let me hear in the voices of 15 teens that He is indeed at work.

On a night where the moon cast our shadows in the field as we played tag (yes, I played too!), I was reassured that He is and will carry "my" load.

The feeling of "have to" transformed into a "get to" feeling.

That was last week.

All I had to do was ask for it.

What prayers have you asked for and had answered this week? What is God doing in your life?


Pat said...

So sorry you're having such a hard time with this task. I know God put you on this search committee for a purpose and know that you can give valuable insight to committee members, as well as perspective pastors. Know that I am praying for you often....even if I don't let you know that.

Tara said...

Thanks Pat! God IS so good though. I am feeling much better about it right now. It is definitely a God-sized task!