I have
been teaching a ladies Sunday school class for the past 25ish years—which is
quite odd since I am really only 30ish years old…..hummmm. Anyway….in those 25ish years there have been
three classes—one in each of the three churches my husband has pastored. The classes had ladies of all ages and
backgrounds. Some married, single,
divorced. Some worked outside of the
home some were stay-at-home moms. Some new
believers, non-believers, believers for a long time. Just a hodgepodge of precious women—friends—confidants.
It has
been a total joy to share Truth with them and they were always gracious enough
to put up with my idiosyncrasies! Like the
time I was trying to say the name of the box the Jews would put on their head—“phylacteries”—and
said “prophylactics” instead—definitely NOT the same thing!! Then there was the time I stripped off my
slip in the middle of class—after all—it was bugging me!! They put up with the time I boldly stated
with confidence, “….then Peter bit off Judas’ ear!!” Toward the end of a very special, spirit
filled class I stated, “Let’s all spread our knees and pray!!” What????
One
Sunday the daughter of one of our ladies was visiting and toward the end of the
class she stated very matter-of-factly, “We need to get her (meaning me) some Velcro to
keep her in her seat!” I am like popcorn—popping
up and down, up and down in my chair!! I
don’t love standing in front of the class—but sit in a circle among them...or at least try to sit!
I have
cried in class. Laughed. Fallen on to the ground. Raised my hands up high. Wrapped my arms around women and prayed over
them. Been encouraged. Been discouraged. Been disappointed been elated. Seen lost women saved, marriages saved, lives
saved. Heard heart wrenching stories and
stories that lifted my spirits. I have
learned much and have much to learn.
Since
all of the above is true—it is strange to me that a couple of months ago I was
compelled to step away from teaching women.
I am not sure if it is for a season or permanently. And, to be quite honest, I am not sure if it
is God telling me to or me needing to….(that is something I am pondering. I don’t want to be out of His will.)
It is
hard for me to explain why—and many of you might be going through something
like this now—or have gone through it before.
I felt like I was carrying burdens God never intended for me to
carry. I was “weighed” down with “rocks”
in my “wagon” and was unable to “dump” them.
I felt responsible for those ladies who stopped coming—it was my
fault. I felt responsible for any spiritual
immaturity or sin or frustration they might have.
Discouragement
set in. Then doubt. Then fear.
I questioned everything I was doing.
I knew God did not want me to stop serving Him—and there was a need in
our children’s Sunday school—so after talking to those in authority over me, I shared
with the ladies I felt compelled to step away from teaching the class and move
to first graders.
Did
I do the right thing? I think so. Was it for the right reasons? I don’t think so!! Discouragement and doubt and fear are NEVER
reasons for doing something!! Is God teaching
me anything? TONS!! I am learning that having a tender heart is
good—but that I must also have thick skin!!
I cannot let “things” get to me! I must not let compliments go to my head or criticisms and complaints go to my heart. The
Lord is using this season and I am grateful!!
I also think it is not about me--He is up to something bigger in the lives of the women and perhaps needed me out of the way in order for Him to be glorified!!
How about you? Do you need thick
skin and a tender heart?? Do you need to not let compliments go to your head or let criticisms and complaints go to your heart? Oh, and by the way, don't think that I am in any way giving you permission to step away from something! :)
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