Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What is the Role of a Pastor's Wife?

Some people think that a pastor’s wife sits around all day eating chocolate bonbons and reading the Bible.  Now as nice as that may seem to some of you, this idea is NOT me.  Yes, I read the Bible and I certainly enjoy my chocolate, however, I do believe as pastor’s wife or any staff wife has a role to fill.  I am not an expert so I did a little research to find out what some other sisters in ministry thought on the subject. 

First, we are to be our husband’s helpmate or as one staff wives calls her role “best supporting actress.”  We need to realize we are not in the main role but we should stand alongside our husbands encouraging them.  We need to pray daily for our men as they face a spiritual warfare that we cannot even imagine.  We need to show our support but also offer wise counsel on ideas he may have.  We are called to help not hinder our husband’s work and the Heavenly Father’s work.  One dear friend, whose husband is a pastor, believes that pastors’ wives are no different than other wives. However, if there is a standard, she believes that 1 Timothy 3:11 calls us to be “to be respected, not to speak evil, exercise self-control and faithful in all things.” Personally, I think this scripture again can apply to all women.

Second, I believe God calls us to our role.  If you are married to your called out husband then sister, you are called as well.  We should strive to be Godly role models to other women in our churches.   There are so many women in our congregations and society that have no clue what a Godly women looks like.  Also, as a couple we should strive to set the example on what a Godly marriage looks like.

Third, I believe we need to have our own identity (we are not just the pastor’s wife).    Girlfriends, this is vital.    For example, I tell my Bible study class each week that in that one hour time frame I am NOT the pastor’s wife.  I am simply Vickie and I can be myself.  I love my husband and I love being a minister’s wife.  However, I have been a much happier person when I realized I have a name and I do not have to live up to all the expectations.  All I need to know is that I am loved by God, my husband, and my family

Last, I believe that as ministers’ wives we all have our own passions.  God has implanted those passions deep within us.  Like me, it may take time for you to find your passion.  It took me years.  I have served in music, children, youth, WMU, etc but in the last seven years, God has planted a passion for caring for fellow ministers’ wives.  I strive to encourage my own staff wives plus encourage other wives who I might only meet once.  I find that if I am not doing what God has called me to do then I am a useless pile of flesh.  You do have a God given passion so pursue it.  I would like to add one simple point.  It is perfectly okay to say NO to something you do not feel like God has called you to do. 

So girlfriends and to the sister who asked for this issue to be discussed, I hope you are encouraged in discovering just what your role is as a minister’s wife.  If you have more opinions, feel free to share with us by leaving a comment. 


Unknown said...

Thanks so much for your input. I recently got married back in September 2012, and my husband was ordained in May 2013 and is the associate pastor of our church that we joined on Easter. We were open to what God's plan was for our lives, but to be honest, I have absolutely NO idea what a Pastor's wife does. At our church though, our Senior Pastor's wife passed away a few years ago, so there is no one else. I have been in God's Word and praying and feel a burden to work with the ladies of our church, most of whom are much older, as well as do a Bible study for those younger ladies. I am praying for God's direction in this. I would love LOVE LOVE to correspond with any Pastor wives out there - just to vent, ask for prayer, questions, etc. My email is

BetsyFerrell said...

Thank you for sharing. I live in Ohio is it OK to visit your website?

Lana said...

Absolutely. We have wives from all around the world who read our blog.