January 25

Today is my mom’s birthday. I would LOVE to go and celebrate her special day with a girl’s lunch out and a shopping spree like we might have when I was living at home. I would LOVE to drive several hours to spend time with her like I would have when we lived in the same state. I would LOVE to call her on the phone and sing happy birthday to her in a very off-key tune like I would have when we lived states apart. But, I can’t. My mom died five years ago.

I would LOVE to sit here and reminisce and recollect her life and my time with her without tears. These tears are more than missing her. They are deeper and full of much more anguish. These tears are because she is not celebrating her physical birth with Jesus. She rejected Him. It has never gotten any easier for me these past five years knowing her eternal existence…and as hard as it is for me…what about for her!!! Oh, my heart cannot bear it.

It is only by God’s grace that those of us who have lost unbelieving loved ones are able to face the Truth of the Gospel and of heaven and hell. I was so angry with God after she died—not because she was sick and died—we all are going to die! I was angry because she did not come to faith.

I will never forget the day when my anger was raging—that God spoke to me and said this, “Dana, I know you are angry. I understand it and know why. Now, you have a choice. You can continue to channel that anger toward Me OR you can channel that anger toward satan, who, by the way, is the author of sin and who caused all of this in the first place!”

I made a decision that day. I would stop being angry at God and channel all of that anger toward the enemy who is out to destroy those God has created. My desire is that everything I do is about defeating that enemy. I don’t want anyone else to suffer like my mom is. Like I am.