"Oh, yea, that's right, you are not 'one of us'". Someone said that to me not too long ago. Now, what does that mean? We have lived and served in this town for over 14 years. What does it take to be 'one of us'?
Have you ever been made to feel like you were not 'one of us'? Did it hurt? How did you cope? For me, sometimes I get discouraged, depressed, frustrated or lonesome...but that particular time I was able to let it wash over me...sort of like water does over a windshield that has been covered with Rain-X!!
In preparation for a conference I was to lead earlier this month on how to minister to ministers and their families, I asked lots and lots of ministers, minister's wives and minister's kids what were some of their struggles. One of the most common responses I got was loneliness. Not being included in activities outside of church. Not feeling like they were accepted as 'one of them'.
What can we do? What have you found that has helped you? Do you struggle with loneliness? Do you long for someone to just hang out with? Someone who you can shop with? Call on the phone to chit-chat with? Sure, we might be surrounded by lots of people....but we might be hungry for sincere, honest relationships.
To be candid, it can be quite difficult to find someone in your church you can confide in, really trust. AND, if you have been hurt, you might not want to make yourself vulnerable again and so you have built walls around yourself....or even worse....perhaps even 'shut down'.
Let me encourage you....trust again....and be trustworthy. Ask God to provide someone for you to be yourself with. Someone who will love you unconditionally....someone you can trust. He is faithful...you know that....and He knows what we need. Now, it might take a seemingly long time....but, dear friend, it will be worth the wait!!
I might not be "one of them" but I know I am HIS!!!
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6 comments:
I've lived in Tennessee for 11 years now and some of my friends still call me the "token yankee." I guess it must be a "southern" thing to not quickly accept people. But for a minister's wife it must be hard, especially if God moves you every two-three years. What would we do without the comfort of knowing that God knows exactly where we are and the struggles we face...and somehow gets us through.
For me, I have tried to build relationships outside of the church as well as in . . . Befriending neighbors, reaching out to other moms at the library's preschool readings, and other places. . . I want to have a witness in the community too . . Sometimes, that is hard when we only surround ourselves with Christians at church . . .
I have lived in Tennessee for 8 years and have the same experience as Lana. But growing up as a pk I had experienced the "you are not one of us" thing before (a few times). I attribute that to the reason I am such a loner. That and the fact I was the youngest of 6 kids and peace and quiet was hard to find in our house! I had 3 older sisters and 2 older brothers so loneliness was not allowed in the house. We had built in friends! My husband was also a pk and in a family of 9 kids, they had the same experience of built-in friends. At the same time, we learned early in life that the one true friend we had was Christ and He is still my true friend whether alone or in a crowd, whether in TN, Colorado, Texas or any other place. I learned to talk with Christ in a very conversational and familiar way even as a young child. That has blessed my life many times. There is nothing like a Godly home to grow up in and you have certainly given that to your children. What a legacy to give!!!
Tonight was our association's first pastor's wives get-together!! It was wonderful! I have been praying for this to happen. Praise God!!! I know God will minister to me through these precious women. Plus, it was not a "poor-pitiful me for me a ministers wife" party!! We actually laughed and prayed for each other.
Emily, thanks for sharing about your ministers wives "party" last night. One of our goals for this blog is for ministers wives to see the need to get together and share concerns and joys, if not here in cyberspace, then getting together physically. So glad you had a great time.
You know since moving to this small town we live in now, I have been lonely. I am not working outside the home and so my only contact with people is at church and the grocery store cashier. So I have been praying for God to open up a door for me to meet some of the people in my new community. I really feel that my kids playing ball this spring has been that door. I have taken a little bit of flack from some at church because one child does practice on Sunday afternoon but I see this as my mission field, my way to get out of my comfort zone and try to become "one of them".
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