Monday, July 14, 2008

Your Husband is Your Pastor

I don't exactly remember her words, but I do remember her tone. I was sitting in on a women's ministry meeting being run by the pastor's wife. As the student's minister's wife, I knew my role in the planning process. I felt like my input was politely listened to, but that my invitation to the meeting had been given out of obligation. It wasn't based on my gifts, but to whom I was married. I was fully expected to be there. I had accepted this and was eagerly looking forward to being apart of the event that we were planning. Until, the pastor's wife totally degraded her husband and the deacon body in front of the whole committee.
Technically, my husband has never been the lead pastor at any church, but of the three previous churches we have served at, I have seen a variety of "styles" that various women have brought to their roles as ministers' wives. I have experienced a pastor's wife that has been totally disconnected with anything and everything that has to do with the church. And another that exercised her position to see her own agenda accomplished within the life of the church.  
I question whether or not God calls women to be ministers' wives, but I believe with my whole heart that He has equipped each us for the role that He has currently placed us in.  None of us are "accidentally" a minister's wife. God has made and chosen each of us for this position of support and leadership within the church. The challenge is: What do we do with it?

I lost a ton of respect for the pastor's wife in that meeting. She had the opportunity to show support and love for her husband and her pastor. I think her sharp words identify a unique position and challenge that every pastor's wife finds herself in. Your husband is your pastor. No believing wife, should have degraded her husband like that in any setting. I am sure that had this dear woman looked at her husband the way she does other pastors she respects, she never would have used that tone of voice either. 

Ladies, we must at all cost, support our husbands. If we can't support our husbands, then how can we expect the deacons to? I am not at all advocating that we sit silently, idly by or become some over-compensating, phony cheerleader either. What I am trying to say is that God has placed us where we are and who we are for a reason. We can totally support our husbands in an authentic manner without sacrificing our individuality. As the Spirit shows us just how to do that, we will know we are where we should be. Honoring our husbands/pastors and glorifying our Heavenly Father. 

 No pastor (or husband) should be sat on some pedestal to be worshiped like an idol. I mean, we know his faults better than anyone, and we are at times desperate to relate to someone in the church as a real woman, with the same angers, frustrations and complaints about our husband that she has with hers. Just be careful. Remember that the man you are talking about is her pastor and yours too. The Bible says a lot about controlling the tongue.

God has led me this week to spend some time focusing on how we can support our husbands/pastors. PLEASE, feel free to respond and share some of your experiences and observations . . . Let us spur each other on to good deeds . . . .

1 comment:

BKatBrown said...

I grew up in a pastor's home and now am married to a pastor. I've heard many minister's (not only pastor's) wives speak less than graciously about or toward their husband. It's heartbreaking to me. I think there must have been at some point some seed of hurt, anger, bitterness, or disappointment to take root in their heart. It's important to remember that pastor's (and husbands regardless of their ministery status) are God's men first and foremost. It's God's responsibility to lead, guide, direct, correct, and smooth out the rough edges, not ours. We were created to be helpers. The best way I can help my husband is to first be firm in my own relationship with Christ and second to pray for my husband and finally let God do the work. I'm to comfort, encourage, support and to love my husband. When we see women speaking less than graciously toward the man that God created and gave them, let's pray for them and lift them up. They need support, encouragment, and love too.